Spaceballs

Spaceballs is a parody movie made by Mel Brooks, presumably because he wanted to fuck with us. It stars Brooks, John Candy, Rick Moranis, and What's-His-Face.

Good 'ol What's-His-Face.

You're going to get exactly what you expect.

Just The Facts

  1. Mel Brooks wanted to make the first Star Wars parody.
  2. He failed.
  3. Joan Rivers is in this.
  4. This movie is why we can't have nice things.

Wait, What? I wasn't Listening.

Yeah, we figured. Well, Spaceballs is a parody of many Sci-Fi movies but mainly goes after Star Wars. It didn't do too well in the Box Office, but it found many fans when it was released on VHS. How? No matter how many people we warn, someone somewhere will pick up this movie at Blockbuster, read the back, and say "Damn, that sounds funny." The thing is, unfortunately, we don't have the powers to change their opinions to mirror our own superior ones. And until we here at Cracked get this power (and believe us, were working on it) there will always be people that disagree with us/are stupid.

Why did it do so poorly in Theaters?

Guess.

Mainly because Mel Brooks can be an idiot sometimes. He decides to make a Star Wars parody almost ten years after Star Wars came out. That's not a good idea. If you're trying to make fun of something, you have to make sure no ones done it before. Brooks doesn't do this. Instead he jumps head first into it and writes a screenplay in six months. If you can call whatever it is he did to push this shit-monster out writing. Not to mention the fact that parodies just don't make good movies. It's one thing to make fun of something. It's another to make a feature film with nothing but references to other movies. Oh, and not to forget the dick jokes.

With a babbling story line, jokes that make no sense and don't belong, acting so horrible you can't tell if it was on purpose or not and so much filler that the movie was pretty much nothing, this is by far Mel Brooks' greatest accomplishment. This movie also has a strange effect on you in which after you are done watching it; you won't feel like you've wasted your time, you'll just feel like you never had that time to begin with.

The Synopsis

Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his buddy Barfolemew (John Candy) are two cool, hip dudes that don't let any lady tie them down (Spoil alert: This happens). They cruise around space in there Winnebago and are cool. The problem is Lone Star owes money to Pizza the Hut (Dear God kill us now), so he is in search of making a lot of money fast. Meanwhile, Planet Spaceball (Tee hee, get it?) is running out of air. The President of said planet, Skroob (Mel Brooks) decides that, instead of being a nice person and asking the next door planet for a cup of air, is just going to take the air from Planet Druidia. He plans on kidnapping the princess of Druidia, Vespa (Daphne Zuniga), so they can ransom her for the code to Planet Druidia's atmosphere dome thing.

The Evil President Skroob

The Evil President Skroob.

On the day of the planned kidnapping, Princess Vespa is getting ready for her arranged marriage to Prince Valium. Now, while he sounds like a stand up fellow to us, Princess Vespa was upset at her match up with him and flies away in a rocket with her trusty fem-bot. Upon escaping her planet, she is captured buy Planet Spaceball troops led by all around evil guy Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis). The King of Druidia, desperate to get his daughter back, contacts Lone Starr, for he is the obvious choice for this mission. He agrees to save the princess for one million space monies. So he does it, and the movie isn't close enough to being over. Now that Lone Starr and the princess are together, you see the Hollywood love story poking its fugly head around the corner. For some reason they decided to crash land on Planet MoonaVega. Using what can only be described as brilliant filmmaking, the Spaceballs find the good guys by watching the movie that they are in. A kind of cosmic breaking of the fourth wall, if you will. While on- you know what, fuck it. Let's skip to the end. Lone Starr and Barfolemew go to save the princess from Dark Helmet and Skrooby-Doo, who are on a space ship out side of Druidia, sucking up all its air. Lone Starr gets on the ship and tries to destroy it by pressing the self destruct button. Dark Helmet shows up and challenges Lone Starr to a fight with their ring swords or whatever. A few dick jokes later-who are we kidding?- A ton of dick jokes later, the good guys escape while the Spaceballs ship blows up with the bad guy on it. More things happen, but aren't really worth mentioning because they don't make any sense. To sum it up though, Lone Starr becomes a Prince, so he can marry Vespa (although no one ever fucking says that they can't get married because he's not a prince) and then the movie is over, so we all win.

So what did we learn from this movie?

Nothing we couldn't have learned from our drunk uncle Landis and a pitchfork. Anyway, we guess we learned to just never, ever, ever, ever make a fucking parody movie. Ever.