The Terminator
Just The Facts
- Time travel in a Terminator movie is like plumbing in a porno: a very loose excuse to get to the action.
- Anyone expecting accuracy is missing the point (and having much less fun than everyone else).
- With that said, here is our attempt to construct a sensible time line of the franchise.
Cracked on the Terminator Timeline
1. Terminator 1 said "Fuck you fleshbags!" and proved that no matter what you do you can't change the future.
2. Terminator 2 said "Fuck you robots!" and proved that if what you do is blow things up, you can change the shit out of the future.
3. Terminator 3 said "Fuck you audience!"
4. Salvation said "Fuck you T3"
PLEASE NOTE: The above timeline does not include the Sarah Connor chronicles, although Cracked will be releasing "Problems with the Sarah Connor Chronicles Timeline", volumes 1 to 13-B, just as soon as the printers find enough new colors of ink. For a quick idea of the Chronicles timeline, imagine every single Doctor Who, drunk, on pogo sticks. And half of them are killer robots. And please convince someone to make that movie.
You think this is bad? Ever seen the Homestuck timeline? *shudder*
ReplyOh dear god the Homestuck Timeline. It has all the convoluted confusion. All of it.
Still makes more sense than twilight.
ReplyHell the sexual tension between the Terminator and Sarah Connor made a better love story than Twilight.
Hint: There was none
Have you ever noticed how Arnold runs in terminator 2 when they are trying to get in the elivator?
ReplyIf you watch the deleted scenes of t1 we see that srah and kyle end up and cyberdine systems, where they destroy the terminator, and cyberdine says, "hey whats this robot s**t we got lying everywhere?" and quickly send it down to the r n d department.
ReplySo skynet has to send a terminator back through time to kill sarah conner, so it can take controll of itself, and ensure its own exsistence.
doent skynet realize that by killing john connor in the past, it condemms itself?
ReplyThe TX and the T1000 know exactly where their targets are when they go back in time, as does the T800 in T2. But in the 1st Terminator, the T800 HAS TO USE A f*****g PHONE BOOK TO LOCATE SARAH CONNOR. Really...
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesThe T-1000 didn't know where Jon lived, it had to look him up on the computer in the police car. The T-800 probably knew where Jon lived because he gave it his old address when he reprogrammed it. As for the TX, I refuse to acknowledge the existence of anything after Terminator 2.
the TX used the cell phone to find its targets
god damn it, he said to never mention that which should not be mentioned.
The tX didn't know s**t, it also had to use a phone to locate targets. Also it found John Connor by accident/bullshit plot. (Delete as needed.)
I have an alternate timeline. Since the T800 model has contridicted itself in T2 and T3 we know it lies, so any information stated in the movies is suspect;
Reply Hide All See All 11 RepliesIn the original movie, Kyle states that the humans were winning and that the ime machine was a last gasp of the machines. So imagine this scenario;
During the human vs machine wars, humans have captured a number of t800s (using an ion gun I suppose) and reprogrammed them to fight for the humans. To oppose this, the machines built the t1000s which the humans were unable to capture or reprogram.
In the time machine lab the machines are doing final construction of the time machine. At the same time the humans are attacking the facility and have breached the outer defences.
The machines activate their time machine and start sending units back in time. First one through is the TX which is programmed to ensure that Skynet comes online. Second is a t1000, which is programmed to ensure Cyberdyne Systems develops the prototype Skynet and also to destroy Sarah and John Conner if possible. Next another 1000 is to be sent back to ensure that Cyberdyne systems gets started and to destroy Sarah Conner if possible. Just before the third T1000 enters the time machine, the humans break through and destroy the T1000 unit. One of the older T800 units (used by Skynet as guards/Red-shirts) dives into the time machine and assumes the third T1000's mission.
The humans then manage to destory all remaining terminator units within the Time Machine Lab.
As they are repairing battle damage and trying to reprogram the Lab's computer to let humans operate the Time Machine, the machines organise a counter attack to try to recapture the Time Machine Lab.
The Humans are warned and so send two of their reporeammed T800 units through to the first and second Time Locations. John then orders Kyle to go to the third rather than sending another T800 using the excuse that Sarah won't know which T800 to trust. In reality John knows that Kyle is his father.
Kyle - recognising a bullshit reason when he hears it, but not having much time complies.
The humans then totally destroy the lab before the machines can recapture it.
Now an event which none of the movie characters are aware of occurs. The time machine doesn't really work. It doesn't send objects back to a point in time, it instead sends them to events within the time stream. If an event moves to a different point in the time stream, the object arrives (approximately) at that temporal event.
So even though Skynet came online ten years after the machines thought it did, the TX came out at that temporal event.
It is even possible that the machines sent other units into the time stream, but the units are trapped there until the temporal event occurs (if it ever does), at which point the trapped unit will be released into real-time.
This history assumes a lot of disinformation given by the time travellers to the native time beings. However it means that only one time machine was ever built and it was only used for a very short period before being totally destroyed.
...Holy Shit.
ok....u have put WAY to much thought into the franchise man
Thou hast saved the franchise from plotholeth.
f**k almighty, man...that's...one of the most amazing things I've ever read. It makes so much sense...fuck almighty, man!!!!
Interesting, except the T800 that was sent in the T3 timeline was reprogrammed and sent by Kate Brewster, as John Connor had died by then. Still really interesting theory. What I get from it is that as soon as another machine is sent, whatever primary time line that was established is immediately changed. However, relative to the primary time line, another tangent time line is made that still falls on the same time and day, with just different events than would've happened if no machines were sent at all...
Does that make sense?
THIS IS AWESOME!
I can honestly say, I did not finish your first sentance.
Also, Skynet knew it needed to send a T-800 to 1984 because the Humans needed the T-800 so they could replicate the technology. The advances in Technology from 1995 (T2) and 2004 (T3) had to be based in part on Miles Dyson's Work, which in turn was based on that "First" T-800.
Skynet knows this, they have "Detailed Files"...
To long, did not read. Except I totally did read ._. amazing.
I now know i am not the biggest terminator fan of all.
Hollywood needs minds like this like yesterday.
"Hey. What's wrong with this picture?"
ReplyCue Schwarzenegger with his schlong waving about.
"Nice night for walk?"
"Nice night for a walk."
"Wash day tomorrow. Nothing clean. Right?"
"Nothing clean, right."
(Chuckle from Paxton, with blue hair)
"I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack."
"Your clothes. Give them to me. NOW."
"Fuck you, asshole!"
Hilarity ensues.
I was horrified to see arnies wang when i watched T1 in a HD tv
"flimsy pretext" is better than "loose excuse"
ReplyProblem with that statement flashpoint and Darkfall is that Arnold was never in T4. It was a look alike who was also a bodybuilder. His name was Ron Kickinger and they CGI'd Arnold's face to his body!!! Oh, and Kickinger played in a movie called "See Arnold Run". Hahaha, but the funny thing is Arnold doesn't have any real running ability. Although, if you're a punk like Bill Paxton, he can rip out your heart by putting his fist in your stomach. Now that's Terminating Bitches!!
Replypaxton is no punk. he fought bravely against, and was killed by Aliens AND a Predator. although there was some initial crying against the Aliens but when he got that out of his system and you put him under a little pressure he does ok.
One of the machine's main problems is that the terminators are ruthlessly efficient at killing people in their way, secondary targets or just anyone really that isn't their primary target. It seems that as soon as they get their hands on them, they default to the 'throw primary target around the room' programme rather than the 'terminate' one.
Replydamn straight! But in T2 if the superbly awesome T1000 had killed John in the arcade such an event would have caused a surprise butseks-time travel paradox. i.e no John Conor no resistance, no resistance no humans, and no humans and we have THE MATRIX all over again!
Perhaps the reason the T-1000 could go back was because its liquid metal mimicked flesh enough so that it could go back with no problems.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesSo he basically told time travel it was ok because he looked like a person?
I always justified it as components of a self-aware creature.
Speaking of travelling back to the past, wanna know what Michael Jackson will look like in heaven? Head on to http://michael-jackson-dead-jokes.blogspot.com/ !
ACTUAL MICHAEL JACKSON DEAD JOKES. We put the d in Distasteful!
The total sexiness of her Boobs bitchslapped Time like a little girl and allowed her to pass through.
When Arnold Swarzenneger made his appearance in T4 I totally s**t my pants.
Replyme too my friend, especially considering the numerous discussions had with friends about how amazing it would be if he was in it before we saw the movie
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