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The Terminator

Time travel in a Terminator movie is like plumbing in a porno: a very loose excuse to get to the action.
Anyone expecting accuracy is missing the point (and having much less fun than everyone else).
With that said, here is our attempt to construct a sensible time line of the franchise.

1. Terminator 1 said "Fuck you fleshbags!" and proved that no matter what you do you can't change the future.

2. Terminator 2 said "Fuck you robots!" and proved that if what you do is blow things up, you can change the shit out of the future.

3. Terminator 3 said "Fuck you audience!"

4. Salvation said "Fuck you T3"

PLEASE NOTE: The above timeline does not include the Sarah Connor chronicles, although Cracked will be releasing "Problems with the Sarah Connor Chronicles Timeline", volumes 1 to 13-B, just as soon as the printers find enough new colors of ink. For a quick idea of the Chronicles timeline, imagine every single Doctor Who, drunk, on pogo sticks. And half of them are killer robots. And please convince someone to make that movie.

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Cracked Talk on | The Terminator

3 of 61 Comments

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0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 11/3/2009 5:30 PM

kaly76hummer

"flimsy pretext" is better than "loose excuse"

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 10/23/2009 12:45 PM

err

Problem with that statement flashpoint and Darkfall is that Arnold was never in T4. It was a look alike who was also a bodybuilder. His name was Ron Kickinger and they CGI'd Arnold's face to his body!!! Oh, and Kickinger played in a movie called "See Arnold Run". Hahaha, but the funny thing is Arnold doesn't have any real running ability. Although, if you're a punk like Bill Paxton, he can rip out your heart by putting his fist in your stomach. Now that's Terminating Bitches!!

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 8/27/2009 3:24 PM