Theodore Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt was not only the greatest U.S. President of all time, but was also the single most notable person ever to live.

Theodore Roosevelt developed his own dialact of sign language; every sign meant

Just The Facts

  1. Theodore Roosevelt was born with mustache and monocle intact.
  2. Theodore Roosevelt won every one of his debates by offering to escort his opponent to "Injurytown".
  3. Theodore Roosevelt remains the only President to have killed an elephant, and the only human being to have done so by siezing the great beast by its tusks and delivering a suplex.

Cracked on Theodore Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt was our 26th President, and the first to bring national attention to the threat of the Train People, a race of giant mechano-men whose aggressive expansion worried many in the early years of the 20th century. However, he managed this crisis in the same way he handled all the major crises of his Presidency: with a series of grappling maneuvers.

When he was not greatly expanding his size in order to wrestle monsters, Roosevelt was busy busting trusts, inventing minumum wage, stopping child labor, winning the Nobel Peace Prize, coming up with beloved coffee slogans and boxing on the White House lawn.,

Most historians speculate that Theodore Roosvelt is not dead, but is in fact waiting to strike.

Following his departure from office, Roosevelt went to South America, where he navigated the legendarily treacherous River of Doubt and named it after himself. He also killed many, many animals, often with a firearm.

Theodore Roosevelt: a Real Man's Man

A tribute to Theodore Roosevelt.