Dogs

A dog is man's best friend, if that man is really really lonely and/or doesn't own a computer. Dogs have been useful for mankind in a number of increasingly pathetic ways during the centuries.

Apparently there was a time when they played poker, we aren't sure when though.

Just The Facts

  1. The Canus lupis familiaris is a mammal of the family Canidae of the order Carnivora
  2. In english: The Dog is a mammal that is related to wolves and eats meat, therefore it can eat you totally or partially.
  3. According to archaeologists, dogs were first domesticated in East Asia around 15,000 years ago. This makes them the first animal to be domesticated by humans.
  4. There are an estimated 400 million dogs on planet Earth, with a few dog corpses in orbit.
  5. Dogs are better than cats. (Suck it Garfield)

Cracked on Dogs

Dogs are pretty smart animals, back in the Upper Paleolithic when different species were fighting for dominance they bet to the right horse and made friends with humans, both species have been together ever since. Although at the begining dogs worked for humans without asking for more than leftovers as a reward, with the passing of time their plans became evident and now it can be seen how it's us who do all the work as they pretty much slack off waiting to be fed or walked.

Through a careful breeding process we have managed to produce all sort of dog breeds. These can look so different from one another that if you didn't know what a dog is you would think we are just fucking with you.

Come on man, a horse and zebra have more in common than these two.

Come on man, a horse and a zebra have more in common than these two.

Dogs' Jobs

Just like humans, dogs have to make a living, although, just like humans, most of them just stay home and let their parents (or in this case owners) do the working. Here's a list of some of their jobs:

  • Actors: Rin tin tin and Lasie are the most representative and they are way more famous than you can ever hope to be. Even if you've never seen a Rin tin tin or Lasie film you must have heard their names and they are probably the best reminder that dogs can be better than people.

Had they had a puppy it would have propably been capable of talking.

  • Police dogs: Do not pet these ones no matter how cute they look. Seriously they are mean. Some of them can also find drugs, more reason to stay away from them.
  • Guide dogs: These have the most boring job on the list.
  • Astronauts: There's a heated debate on wheter they are better or worse than monkeys for this job.

Other dogs

  • Hot dogs: A popular edible substance. We hope the name doesn't have anything to do with their production process, although that would at least tell us they're made of actual meat.

  • Big dog: A robot designed to carry stuff for soldiers and make one of the most annoying noises ever. We would just like to know what on Earth the designers were smoking when they named it to make them think it looked like a big dog:

  • Dogpile: The art of piling as many people as possible on top of a single, misfortuned individual. Mostly unrelated to dogs, it's one of the best things in life: