Do you enjoy watching the sky until you get cramps? You like the solar sytem, but don't know much about it? You love cash? How about picking up astrology?

Astrology through the ages

Just The Facts

  1. Modern astrology was invented early in the first century before a Christ guy, whoever that is;
  2. Astrology is mainly viewed as an elaborate superstition;
  3. Astrology is the second reason why people fail at financial planning by playing lottery (the first one being buying a ticket);
  4. Astrology is to astronomy, as rednecks are to Nobel Prizes.

Astrology vs. Astronomy

Astronomy is the science that focus on explaining the events occuring outside our little (yet so awesome) planet and trying to answer to the universe and all that matters (with a more elaborate explanation than 42). It can also be use to conceive doom weapons to rule the world to find a way to open a riff in the space-time continuum that will allow unholy creatures to emerge and eat our sanity. At least that's what I understand when I hear the science nerds in the back of the room wet their pants speaking of antimatter.

Astrology, on the other hand, doesn't care much about questions like "why?", "where?" or "can I have my money back?" as much as it cares about how the movement of a planet hundreds of miles away can affect how crappy you will feel while you eat your TV-dinner tonight. If it can't make me have nightmares about Cthulhu, I don't see why I should be interested. Especially when you know that no serious scientific research have ever concluded that astrology is even remotely scientific.

But really, people would never lie to other people for money. Right guys? Guys...?


Why it doesn't work.

All right, we've all heard about the butterfly effect. If a tiny butterfly in Japan moves in the right way at the right place at the right instant, it can provoke a gust of wind that will amplify as it travels over the ocean and cause a hurricane in America (also: destroy houses and start a huge discussion about racism). However! It's not all of the butterflies that will cause a catastrophe in their lifetime. And thank God for that. Can you imagine having a storm every time a freaking fly would take a spin? Well the same thing is true of planets. Sure, the moon can make the seas rise up and down a few feet during the day. Does it mean that every planet in the solar system has the power to influence your life? Hell, even a thing the size of Jupiter can't move the sea an inch, what do you think it will do to you?

Even crazier than that, people think the day they were born will influence the rest of their life. Apart from whether or not it will snow on your birthday, it doesn't change much. No need to test if the stars have something to do with it, the system is based entirely on the modern calendar and would work the opposite if we had decided to start it in july. What's that you're saying? It's based on the star constellations?


We already know that modern astrology has existed for around 2000 years. We kept the exact same dates for the astrological signs ever since. However, the stars had a chance to move a bit during that time and now the constellations aren't hanging around at the same spot anymore. Result, the correct date for each sign is delayed by about 3 weeks.

That's right. You have 3 out of 4 chances that your sign isn't the right one. Guess you've been following the wrong advice in the newspaper then.

Why people still believe it.

On that subject, there's not much to say apart from some statistics: 31% of Americans believe in astrology and 39% believe it is a science. Guess it's the same reason why more Americans vote on American Idol than the presidential election. Some persons simply need something or someone to tell them what to do with their life. First, there were dictators, then there was religion. Now what should you do in a free world where you can order all your food the same way you watch siamese dwarf porn? Any superstition would have worked, but astrology seems to be the winner.

And besides, who would you listen to the most? The almost naked guy praying outside your work office for the end of the world, or the guy in a business suit that has his own page in the local newspaper? Especially when this last guy talks about something you know sounds serious: "Hey, he's talking about Jupiter and its rings! I think I've heard about it on TV once. He surely can't be wrong!"