Kenny Loggins
Kenny Loggins is an American artist who makes music that improves movies.
Just The Facts
- Kenny Loggins is his own category of awesome.
- Because of his extreme awesomeness, Kenny Loggins's music can make anything inspirational, or awesome, or both.
- In some religions and cultures, not getting inspired by Loggins's music is considered a sign of not having a soul.
Cracked on Kenny Loggins
Kenny Loggins used to play together with Jim Messina, a man who was far less prepared for the 80s in the categories of "awesome beard" and "being named Kenny."
One of these men is on his way to the Danger Zone.
Kenny Loggins has polished several movie turds into the screen classics that they are today with his awe-inspiring music. In the 80s, the leading cause of blindness was looking at Kenny Loggins without sunglasses on.
In 1980, Kenny Loggins shot into some derivation of fame with his contributions to the soundtrack of Caddyshack, setting a new standard for movie music at the same time.
He followed that up by making several classic movie songs for films like Top Gun and Footloose. Loggins's music is believed to have been the decisive factor that made audiences unable to detect how gay those movies were.
Then, in 1988, Loggins made the same fatal mistake as Chevy Chase and signed on for the sequel to Caddyshack, cleverly named Caddyshack II. The movie would end the artist's eight year run as the number one soundtrack provider.
WARNING: The amazing effects of Kenny Loggins's awesomeness do not work outside of the 80s.
Lana.
ReplyLana.
LANAAAAAAAAA
Kenny Loggins sucks
ReplyI fondly remember "Holding out for a hero" in the scene from Who's Harry Crumb? when John Candy chases down the plane at the end. I still think God was trying to kill Rosie O'Donnell and killed John by mistake.
ReplyKenny Loggins can read minds...
ReplyI wasn't around in the 80's but this just seems like he is making an attempt at those Chuck Norris jokes but instead for this Kenny Loggins guy.
ReplyIIIIII'M ALRIIIGHT!!!NOBODY WORRY BOUT MEEE!!!
I'm pretty sure that those "Chuck Norris jokes" are very similar to the jokes that used to be done for Kenny Loggins. But this is hearsay, as I wasn't around in the 80s either.
http://www.elivebuy.com
ReplyAir jordan(1-24)shoes $33
UGG BOOT $50
Jewerly $20
Nike shox(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35
Handbags(Coach lv fendi d&g) $35
Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16
Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30
Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $16
New era cap $15
Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25
FREE sHIPPING
http://www.elivebuy.com
Ya messed up the simple task of cutting a circle out.
ReplyBummer
Yeah, this photshop site is pure shit. Maybe Cracked should switch the focus to writing.
Do you know just how hard photoshop is? If you don't, let me tell you. It's DAMN hard. And I doubt Cracked editing dept. would let that pass since, you know, they pick the pictures. So I guess you just have to find a good reason to bash a perfectly fine article.
HIGHWAAAYY TO THE... DANGER ZONE!!!!!
ReplyThe Log-Dog.
Reply*titter*
There were plenty of good things to come out of the '80s. It's just that none of them were popular at the time. And even with the '80s penchant for post-modernism, it could not compare in the soullessness department with the painfully bland '90s.
ReplyGod dammit, can we stop jerking off to the 80's already?! There's nothing magical about the 80's so stop with the constant ironic hipness of this vapid, amoral, soulless decade!
ReplyOnce wrong with 80's nostalgia. This is the decade I grew up in. Personally I wish we had the booming economy of the 80s going on right now.
Yeah, you know how cheap cocaine was back then?
$30 nike jordan prada timberland supra,lacoste,gucci shoes
Reply$25 CHANEL, GUCCI, LV, COACH, FENDI, BURBERRY, D&G, JUICY, Ed Hardy handbag
$30 coogi jeans,armani,Crow Holder,D&G,Evisu jeans,Diesel,Christian Audigier,Rock,True Religion,Affliction,Ed Hardy,RMC jeans etc
$35 Coogi,Crow Holder,D&G,Evisu,Bape,BBC,Diesel,Christan Audigier,Rock, True Religion, Affliction, Ed Hardy, RMC hoodies
$15 Michael Jackson, Armani t-shirts,Affliction,Coogi,Ed hardy,LRG,Crown older,Evisu,G-star,Polo,Christian Audigier t-shirts
Top quality! Free shipping!Free returns!No any extra cost!
Please visit------------- http://www.netsowntown.com
Great, now 'Danger Zone' is stuck in my head. I just got it out about 2 days ago. Thanks a lot for putting AWESOMENESS back into my head...
ReplyHow dare you say no one remembers Burning Heart from Rocky IV! Are you insane? Every red-blooded American knows that song and thinks about it when they are on the treadmill and pretend they are climbing a mountain to shout some Russian guy's name because if there's one thing we know it's that communism is bad. Mmmkay?
ReplyYou are thinking of Hearts on Fire by John Cafferty.
I know the whole thing is crazy that Kenny Loggins wrote music from a few good and alot of crappy 80s movie BUT YOU REMEBER THEM!
ReplyI sware every time I get in to my ZX I all of a sudden hear Danger zone and then WOOSH! Iam not driving a japenese import sports car but a F-16 "Same damn thing by todays standards of making aircraft" and I aint avoiding missles and communist Migs just getting a sppeding tickets and creepy inbreed hillbilly hitch hikers. So when you watch a movie with a kenny loggins song and then go do somthing it seems like your IN that movie. People that like golf fly jets and love extream child custady situations then my Sir Doctor Lawer friend this is how you life is playd!
I'm sad to see the lack of links to Yacht Rock. Everyone knows that Kenny Loggins wrote Footloose while Michael McDonald and James Ingram were rescuing him from Jimmy Buffet. Google that shit.
Replystan bush, i dont know why you guys keep omitting him from the whole 80s inspirational movie music subgenre. "the touch" and "fight to survive" are easily two of the best songs in the genre, and he did a ton more... "dare", "on my own", "streets of siam", "fight for love", "never surrender"...
Reply"Loggins's music is believed to have been the decisive factor that made audiences unable to detect how gay those movies were."
ReplyHa! Funny. Thanks.
Hold on a second - Bonnie Tyler is a "one trick pony"? And that one trick is not "Total Eclipse of the Heart"?
ReplyI'm sorry, really?
...and Total Eclipse of the Heart was used as an inspirational song in which 80s movie?
Okay, so not an '80's movie, but there a f*****g great version of it in Old School.
I think I firmly establish my geek credentials in pointing out that I first heard "Holding Out For a Hero" while watching Short Circuit 2
ReplyI can do one better. I first heard it as the theme song to Cover Up - a show with a premise so ridiculous(Green Beret turned male model solves crime) that it allowed the writers of Murder, She Wrote to churn out their special brand of ludicrous for 12 goddamn seasons:
CBS Executive 1: "Really...? Yet *another* relative is accused of a murder they didn't commit? Seriously dude, that's like 13 nephews and 11 blunt forced traumas this year..."
MSW Writer: "We could always have a Force Recon Marine turned travel agent being hired by the grandmother of an FBI agent to investigate the death of her grandson. Then have the star accidentally hang himself with a fake noose. On set."
CBS Executive 2: "Fuck you. We'll go with Fletcher. But might I add, that the accidental-fatal-shooting-with-prop-gun s**t will almost certainly never happen again within the decade...well, whilst making a TV show at least."
For 50 points name the himbo star of Cover Up who killed himself playing Russian roulette with a prop gun. Seems he didn't know blanks are dangerous.
"Who is John Eric Hexum?"
They cast a new guy and wrote in that the original charachter "died on a special assignment". Yes, I watched the show. Blow me. I was in 8th grade. I used to think Airwolf was cool, too.