5 Marketing Opportunities Kevin Sorbo Is Missing Out On

Kevin Sorbo is many things. Yet, he is apparently not very business savvy, here are 5 products in which the advertising writes itself but for some reason the 'Sorbmeister' hasn't capitalized on.

#5. Sorbo-tox.

Kevin Sorbo has one of the most chiseled and rugged, wrinkle free chins in the business. And while the man himself has no use for botox, there are millions, maybe billions of men who wish they could sport a diamond cut chin like Sorbo. NOW THEY CAN! With Sorbo-tox!

Just 9 stabbings with a battlesword from Sorbos personal collection, and youll have smooth, leathery Sorbotastic skin in no time. Dont be a pussy, its totally worth it


(Disclaimer; other panty-dropping good looks will not apply)

#4.Sorbo Swords

Now we all know Sorbo knows his way around a bladed weapon, whether its made of totally badass fire, or regular punk-ass steel. Now you too can own a Sorbo endorsed implement of death.* Whether you want to kill your neighbour for mowing over your roses (or just being a shitty neighbour) or the dude on the sidewalk who insists on being leader only to let his wussy sized small legs hold you up on your way to that all important cock fight. Carry it anywhere, its probably legal. Plus whos going to stop you, the only person who can (assuming your holding the sword) is Sorbo himself, and hes got too many dragons to punch out of and wayyy to many women to please.

(Disclaimer; you probably wont look like this),

#3. Sorbos Saddles.

There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, the Sorbmeister likes more than tending to and riding his horses. And while hes out on a trail, with a hot date, or fucking some dudes up somehow, he always has a Sorbo saddle under his perfectly sculpted buttocks. If you want to make your horse-riding activities look infinitely cooler, you need a Sorbo Saddle. It comes ready-to-ride and made from the skin of some now extinct animal. Itll probably improve your fighting ability too..


#2. Sorbo Sauce.

When sitting down for a 100z stake, or just enjoying some icecream with an underage cheerleader, Kevin always has a bottle of Sorbo Sauce handy. No-one really knows whats in it, except Kevin, who brews it while wearing underwear in his basement. But everyone knows its good. Its kinda like Paul Newmans condiment range, but way better and more deadly. Now you can enjoy some hardcore Sorbo, all over your food!

He eats it on bacon aswell.

#1. The Ab-Sorbo

To relax after riding his horse through medievil lands, or fighting dudes in hand-to-hand combat, Sorbo likes to work out. And since none of the products on the market could match his awesome specifications, he built his own. The result: The AB-SORBO. For abs that gleam like magic, the Ab-Sorbo is your machine. Though, if you have the power to use it, your abs need no conditioning, its pure ego stroking. Still, go and buy one, and youll be more and more like your buddy Kevin Sorbo each day.

Those abs once impregnated a volleyball team.