Fake Mustaches

Ah, the mustache. Be you porn star, 80's action hero, or pubescent teenager who wants to get into R-rated movies, it's an integral part of the badass look that facial hair provides. But some are fake. Like these.

This kid must be knee-deep in snatch.

The fake-stache removed from its natural habitat. Breaks your heart, don'tit?

Just The Facts

  1. Invented by Sir Richard Fake-Mustache in 1869, a sufferer of facial alopecia.
  2. These days, the fake mustache tends to be made entirely from synthetic fibres, whereas up until 1987, they were grown on the faces of "stache-donors" (typically retired pornographic thespians.)
  3. I wear a fake mustache whenever I visit my grandmother in hospital, then take it off whenever she's not looking to freak her out.

Famous Wearers Of Fake Mustaches

Many famous people have worn fake mustaches at some point in their careers, for one reason or another.
  • Charlie Chaplin
  • Groucho Marx
  • Most members of Monty Python at some point
  • Jason Schwartzman in The Darjeeling Limited. I mean, come on, that thing can't have been real.

Reasons One Might Wear A Fake Mustache

  • As a disguise.
  • To try and look older.
  • To pass yourself off as Hitler when travelling back in time to alter history.
  • To fit in when visiting Texas.
  • To hide from student loan collectors.

When disguising yourself with a fake mustache, remember to also wear some thick glasses, a beige trench-coat, and talk in a nondescript foreign accent. These factors in combination will make any person completely inconspicuous and unidentifiable. Unless you look and dress like that the majority of the time, in which case you should probably try some other costume. Surely that would be obvious to you. Idiot.