The World's Biggest Glacier

Resting in Eastern Antarctica. What some refer to as Earth's blue balls, lies the Lambert Glacier. The single most dangerous grouping of frozen water, Dinosaur feces, and lost scientist's on the planet.

A close up of it's claw like tendrils reaching forward into humanity.

Just The Facts

  1. 60 miles (100 km) wide, 250 miles (400 km) long,and about 2,500 meters deep...
  2. Originally dubbed the "Baker Three Glacier." By American Geographer John H. Roscoe
  3. The Australian's renamed it the Lambert Glacier for more sex appeal
  4. It's colder than hot girls at a New York dance club.

Why we should fear the ice devil.

Aside from being the largest glacier on the planet. There is far more to fear. This monstrosity was a part of the grand white death known as the Ice Age. This is the same Ice age that killed all the Dinosaurs, allowing mammals to breed and evolve, turning into human beings at some point, and one such flesh ape went forth to star in many films and made for TV movies. Place these events in a familiar shape and you get...

                  

The BACOGRAM!

You may say to yourself, I love all that Kevin Bacon has contributed to modern filmaking, wouldn't this make the Glacier a friend of humanity?For getting rid of those pesky Dinosaur's? WRONG! If there is one thing that CSI has taught us. Once you've killed once, it's only a matter of time before you kill again. With no more Dinosaurs around, it's only a matter of time before all -146 degree's of it heads for the only thing left to kill.

Who else?

Lambert Glacier and Global Warming

Scientist's have been able to speculate that the rise in temperature over time can have a huge effect on the Glacier melt cycle. That is the cycle of putting on snow weight and getting rid of it by summer. 1 degree of temperature change may not seem like a lot, but to a glacier it's like going on meth for a year, although without the luxury of cleaning the basement. Thanks in part to the hero's of the industrial age and those who buy enormous unenvironmentally friendly vehicles. The Lambert Glacier is in fact melting far more quickly than it has in the past. We were only a few generations away from melting it completely. That is until HE stepped in.

Fresh from inventing the internet Al Gore set his sites on the warming of the earth. Instead of turning places like Minnesota and Russia into island Oasis'. Gore's Global Warming scare had a more sinister agenda. To prevent the wonderful warming of the earth in favor of keeping it cool. As cool as what you say?

As cool as a wonderfully created 80's movie romance between an in your face biker and an innocent horse riding girl.

Pretty soon countries started cracking down on emission's attacking businesses that threw pollution into the air. A new age began to grow, known as the green movement. Thankfully the selflessness of some industrial countries dove away from the green scare. Like a young child who didn't want to eat his vegetables. Slowing the movement down to a crawl.

Before you place your organically grown tomatoes fertilized with human feces and jump on your soap box made of recycled hemp, maybe the next image will show you who your hero is really working for.

Lambert you cheeky frozen bastard!

How Can I Do My Part?

If your one of those chosen few, who refuse to just stand there and let the world as we know it disappear. Then I invite you to do your part. With some helpful advice.

Need to walk the dog? Why not do your part and release some CO2 emissions?

Need to get rid of some extra tires lying around? Why not do it the old fashioned way! Burn them!

Do you want a fun game to play While doing your part? Why not play "Who can empty the Aerosal can the fastest. Not only are you getting rid of those nasty Ozone particals suffocating the earth. Your bonding with your fellow man.

If we all work together we can destroy this menace. And this could be the new cool teen hot spot.