The foundation of any coffee based drink, ever. The hot, short equivalent of a cold shower.

Drink it straight if you're not a pussy

Just The Facts

  1. Coffee is a prime export of the latin americas, along with cocaine, Shakira and the Brazilian bikini wax
  2. Every Italian person ever cannot get enough of coffee
  3. Too much coffee can turn you into Cornholio, and cause you to demand more t.p for your bunghole
  4. No coffee, no workee-this is a fact


Espresso can be used as tool to wake a person up in the morning. This is quite a useful function for any workplace, it can turn your employees from mumbling, bleary eyed drones into fast working busy bee drones, which is useful if work is to be done.

Any person who doesn't like coffee or is 'caffiene-free' is a useless hippy, who will never amount to a thing in this mad, dog eat dog world, so drink up.

The tell tale signs of a quality espresso is always the crema (the yellow-ish residue on top of the dark liquid'. No crema=no espresso.

There are many pretencious ways of ordering your espresso dressed up with a little milk, if you're a complete idiotic pisstain, order your half-fat, mocha-cino, low foam latte from Starbucks, you pathetic sheep.

I recommend Starbucks Gingerbread latte by the way.