HP Lovecraft

You ever feel that in the search for knowledge, you lose what makes you human? Then you've probably listened to the Jonas Brothers. If not, then you're a character in a Lovecraft Story.

Lovecraft taking a morning stroll through Providence, Rhode Island.
Lovecraft taking a morning stroll through Providence, Rhode Island.
Cthulhu hitting the snooze button on his alarm clock before he wakes up and rapes the collective minds of the human race.
Cthulhu hitting the snooze button on his alarm clock before he wakes up and rapes the collective minds of the human race.

Just The Facts

  1. Lovecraft was a horror writer in the early 20th century, famous for writing stories so frightening they made Stephen King crap himself.
  2. He is most famous for Cthulhu, a squid headed elder god, destroyer of worlds and Japanese porn star.
  3. Also famous for the Necronomicon, a spellbook used to summon Elder Gods and often sought by Bruce Campbell.

His life

HP Lovecraft was a horror writer born in Providence Rhode Island. He faced many hardships in his childhood such as a psychotic father, being frequently ill and suffering from psychosomatic ailments (probably brought on from living in Rhode Island).

In 1923, he began writing for a pulp magazine called Weird Tales (in case you couldn't tell by the title, it was a fashion magazine). During his time working for this magazine, he made many friends among other authors, including Robert Bloch (famous for writing the novel Psycho) and Robert E. Howard (Famous for writing about Arnold Schwarzenegger in a loincloth).

Sadly, HP Lovecraft lived in poverty and died at the age of 46. It is said that he died of intestinal cancer, but we at Cracked perfer to believe the theory that the servants of the Fish God Dagon took him back to their underwater domain where he remains to this day. After his death, his good friend August Derleth published most of his work, allowing it to gain popularity and single handedly making Lovecraft the famous author he is today. Unfortunately, this also puts Lovecraft in the same catagory as Mitch Hedberg and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart as "Geniuses who made jack shit while they were alive".

Cthulhu

Cthulhu is probably the most famous creation of HP Lovecraft, first mentioned in his short story The Call of Cthulhu. Lovecraft described Cthulhu as being so terrifying that the human mind could not comprehend him and looking upon him could drive the most stable man to madness. However, most others would describe him as the lovechild of a dragon and Dr. Zoidberg.

Cthulhu is currently in the underwater city of Ry'leh, where he sleeps until the city rises from the ocean. When he awakens, he will destroy the human race to make room for the Elder Gods on earth. This makes him the laziest apocalypse in history, officially beating out Ragnarok (Quit beating around the bush, Odin!)