Bird Flu

So you're walking around one day and something hits the top of your head. You touch your hair and see some white stuff and think God is playing a pretty cruel joke, or maybe the top of you looks like Sasha Grey. But it was just bird shit.

The visible head to God's invisible penis.

Just The Facts

  1. An influenza virus known to attack birds that somehow mutated to attack humans.
  2. Once again, a dumbass slut was the root of all this.
  3. We're not fucking birds, get it? We're not birds, and we don't fuck birds. We don't have vaccines ready to cure an influenza epidemic for a bird, let alone one that would mutate to attack us.

Did I say something about not fucking birds?

Scientist's most popular theory of how the epidemic spread to humans.

Oh was I mistaken. Well what else to expect, a dumb slut is the cause of all this and it's up to a team of male lead scientists to be the barrier from the evil epidemic as it slowly flourishes throughout the land and leaves us all with nothing but utter death. In fact, in 2006, a group of scientists fought long and hard against such an adversary, the avian bird flu. Yes, it was a very expensive battle which we eventually triumphed by doing little to nothing but causing mass panic throughout the world. Bert's not going to be too happy about this.

Like every flu to come around, the world went batshit crazy.

Did you ever play Pandemic 2? Did bitchass Madagascar always close their ports before your virus could even fucking mutate into something to travel there? Well, guess what, the same exact thing happened in real life. Yup, this pathetic excuse for a virus took headlines back in 2006 when it was rampantly spreading across Europe, killing a whopping of about 20 people.

Pretty much.

"World health experts have tossed out death estimates from a potential bird flu pandemic ranging from 2 million and 150 million."

My ass, this flu was such pathetic piece of garbage that it only killed people that were expected to die soon, yes old gramps. But the whole world made a big deal about it and spent obscene amounts of money to close their borders and have tight security to prevent any sort of virus to infect their country.

Oh no! Don't eat the chicken. No stay away from the bird, Johnny.

Yeah... these were the phrases being uttered on everyday occurences back when the supposed epidemic hit. Alright dad, you watch the news everyday. Why not listen to the part where the News Anchors blatantly say that birds can not pass on the virus to you or your children? Or do you finally decide to believe the news is an entirely controversial biased piece of shit that only seeks to gain immense wealth by cutting a deal with foster farms. Well yeah, that sounds like a good plan. But no, not this time, of all the conspiraces being spread by the News, this ain't that conspiracy. You see, if Jonas Salk heard you say this, he'd take little Johnny and rub a bird against his crotch. And then intentionally infect him with some good ol' human blood and vaccinate him just to prove a fucking point.

The bird flu is nothing to worry about, we've got vaccinations ready, and if you're worried about dying from the bird flu, I wouldn't mind too much unless you have something like Life Alert. So go ahead and play wolf with that avian bird flu to get out of work and school!