Milky Way

The Milky Way is a enormous disc of stars, planets, solar systems, dust, aliens, space ships, black holes and many other undiscovered terrifying things all circling a super massive black hole at its core know as Sagittarius A.

Pictured: home sweet home

Just The Facts

  1. The Milky Way is fucking huge
  2. At the speed of light, it would take about 100,000 years to travel from end to end
  3. The Milky Way is one medium sized galaxy in a universe of many hundreds of billions
  4. Even though we know there are billions of galaxies in space, its still probably only a small fraction of whats really out there
  5. Given the chance the Milky Way would kill you and everything you love

Super Massive Black hole

Like an average Saturday night for your mom, Sagittarius A is sucking and pulling on everything it comes into contact with. Over the years, strange and crazy men called "scientists" and "astronomers" have had many bloody and violent fist fights concerning the exact size of the hole. The winners of these battles were usually the ones with the most kills and therefore deemed correct in his or her theory.

Pictured: Einstein proving a theory

It has recently been speculated that our black hole is roughly 30 million miles in diameter and more dense than your girlfriends little brother playing scrabble. Regardless of it's actual size, it's been predicted that the earth, our sun and the rest of the galaxy will definitely be sucked in being crushed to the size of a peanut sometime in the next 4 to 5 years*.

Above: The very near future...

Another thing making Saggitarius A a terrible deathly phenomenon is how fast it spins. Rotating at approximately 30% the speed of light, it often acts as a slingshot hurtling close by stars through the galaxy at upwards of 20 million mph. These careening stars will eventually make there way out of the Milky Way and into the empty tomb of deep space provided they don't smash into something first. Scientists predict the earth has a one in five chance of being completely obliterated by a super fast killing star sometime in the next year*.

Also the very near future..

*Some facts and statictics may not be factual

Holy Shit does it do anything good?

Yes, Like the duct tape on your sister's prom dress, Sag A holds everything neatly in place. Its gravitational pull is strong enough to hold in place all matter in our galaxy along with a bunch of other shit floating around that. If it were to suddenly disappear (Also like your sisters prom dress) everything would drift apart and eventually form around another sleeker sexier black hole in hopes of rotating around it, like nerds around Meghan Fox. More than likely though, the Milky Way will merge with our neighbour galaxy Andromeda in a train wreck of unspeakable horror forming a super galaxy. There is much evidence of this theory in many other places in the universe.

Prom night was awesome

Pictured: Missing duct tape

So what exactly is the Milky Way doing?

To put it simply, moving. Like a senior citizen in a Cadillac, our galaxy is ploughing through space at an alarming rate of speed with no idea where it's going. More specifically it's traveling towards a patch of the universe named after singer/songwriter Jessica Simpson called the "Shapely Supercluster"

Above: The Shapely Super Cluster

The Shapely Supercluster sits behind another patch of universe named for television host Oprah Winfrey called the "Great Attractor"

Above: The great attractor (of hot dogs)

Like the senior, our galaxy will probably never reach any destination. Due to the expansion of the universe the supercluster is getting further away from us even as we approach it at about 1.4 million mph.

Holy fuck thats pretty quick.

Yes, like the coked up hooker in your hotel room last night looking for your credit cards, things are moving pretty fast and we don't even realize it. To put things into context lets look at what's happening as we sit idly on the couch shooting tequila and watching porn .

Pictured: The universe in motion

Pictured: The galaxy in motion

The earth spins on it axis at about 1000 mph

The earth also rotates around the sun at about 66,000 mph.

The sun is orbiting the galaxy at around 483,000 mph

All this as the Milky Way ploughs through space at 1.3 million mph.

Additionally our solar system bobs up and down reaching the top of the galaxy once every 64 million years or so. Once we peak our heads above the "roof" of the galaxy, we are subject to all kinds of forces generated by the Milky Way travelling through space. This can cause lots of problems like mass extinction on our planet among other things. Oh, currently we are just reaching the top of the galaxy.

Her head represents our solar system!

So where do we stand in this cluster f**k

Right now we are located about half way out on the Orion spiral arm of the Milky Way Galaxy. This is the best place to be. Any further in and we'd be subject to many unspeakable abusive forces of nature like last years Christmas party at the in-laws. Simply put, we exist exactly where we should be able to exist, probably along with thousands of other intelligent life forms all in our neck of the woods as well.