Game Boy

Remember way back when, when it was just you, your game boy, and about 3 weeks of nothing else to do? Those were the days.

Just The Facts

  1. The Game Boy is the Alpha and the Omega of video games, and damn you to hell if you disagree. There, I said it.
  2. Game Boy was the last video game children tried (unsuccessfully) to teach their parents to play.
  3. Old People can not play video games


The Original, the best, the Joe Esposito Song of videogames, if you will (look it up, youngins). The Original Game Boy was a horror to look at, and was about 6 feet tall and weighed a little under a ton. The controls were as simple as it they could be for a video game at the time, with only 4 buttons and a directional pad. (X-Box controllers have 11, not counting the joy sticks and D-pad.) The Game Boy Original has sold to this day over 100 million units worldwide. There were hundreds of games sold for it, the most successful of which was Tetris. Also, you could beat someone to death with it. While playing tetris!

"Unlike sex before my 30's, victory is at hand!"
The Game Boy was hot shit from the moment it came out. Every kid had one, and thousands upon thousands of family and sexual relationships were sabotaged by the all too familiar phrase of "Hang on a sec, I'm almost done" repeated ad nauseum until you woke up one morning with the Game Boy lodged firmly inside of your ass.


The Game Boy world receives a major burst from the release of the Pokemon series of games, originally including only the Red and Blue versions, which sold 8.6 million copies in the US. Every kid had one, and displaying your level 99 Pokemon was a major point of pride (Unless you were one of those assholes who used the game genie so people would like you, which they didn't anyway)

Suck my dick, Squirtle

Then later the oddly similar "updated" version, Pokemon Yellow. The biggest upgrade was that instead of just walking around, you could walk around with Pikachu behind you! Holy Shit!
The company has since gone on to produce more than 20 more pokemon games, forcing them to make more and more ridiculous pokemon to satisfy the ever expanding ADD of children in America. One such abomination is Nuzleaf, which, despite sounding like it should be a high ranking member of the SS, looked like a mutant boxer with giantitis in it's testicles.

Look at the size of that Leaf! Or the Balls.


After the phenomenal success of the Game Boy, Nintendo introduced Game Boy pocket, presumably so that customers were not forced to check their Game Boy as baggage at the airport. The pocket was essentially the same as the original, just much easier to lose.

Nintendo Really Hates to Have a 4th Corner


The Game Boy Color was next up for Nintendo, as it could not only play current color games, but also play older game boy cartridges in color as well. The world went predictably ape shit over it, as it does with most technology to come out of Japan.

I don't know what the fuck it is, but i want one, and so do you


Sometime in 2001, Nintendo chose to abandon its "Briefcase with a Curve" design for a more sensible "warped oval" form.

This one sold 81 million units world-wide and spawned it's mentally challenged brother, the gameboy advance SP (SPecial, get it?).

Game boy remains the system of choice for children and hipsters all over the world.