Guitars

Guitars, much like beer and money, are used solely to get sex from girls with little self worth. While some actually practice and become proficient with the instrument, others learn Green Day 'Time of Your Life' and play it over and over.

What most guys consider a very logical progression

Just The Facts

  1. Playing a real guitar has nothing to do with Guitar Hero. Being good at one has no bearing on the other.
  2. Playing guitar only has a 34% chance of getting you laid [Source]
  3. Learning scales will make you a great guitarist. However, it's only slightly more interesting than a Lifetime movie.
  4. Girls can play guitar too. They do this to express themselves and/or because the guitar is a beautiful instrument.

The History of Guitars.

Guitars in one form or another have been around for 4000 years. It was only recently that they were electrified. Then, they had all their glory and majesty stripped away, and were made into a small plastic prop for a video game.

A guitar, minus balls

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Acoustic Guitars

Acoustic guitars are those fat, ugly ones that guys play in dorms, or out camping, in an attempt to woo girls out of their league. Other times, they are used by hard rock groups to make songs that will get played on the radio. Aside from that, they are often played by college/indie rock bands.

Stan 'Microphone Finger' Johnson

Electric Guitars

Electric guitars were first invented by Nikola Tesla to battle Dino-Wizards [Source].

Pictured: A rare peaceful moment where Tesla recharges his doom guitar and writes a small essay for Cracked under pen name 'Gladstone',

The first electric guitars were merely acoustic guitars with a series of magnets and coiled wire called 'Pickups'. There was only one problem: as the sound resonated through the hollow parts of the guitar, they were relayed back through the pickups, creating more sound which resonated back through the hollow parts. This resulted in 'feedback'. While this was considered an ugly sound back in the '30's, it later became the basis of some rock bands such as Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix and Smashing Pumpkins. To combat feedback, innovators such as Les Paul and Leo Fender created completely solid guitars in the early '40's. Soon after, kids started plugging them in and turning them up, and rock was born.