Heavy Rain

Heavy Rain is a PS3 game developed by Quantic Dream, and published by Sony Computer Entertainment. It has been billed as an interactive movie, but unlike those crappy Sega CD games, it actually kicks ass.

Oh, hell yeah!

Just The Facts

  1. Heavy Rain is a PlayStation 3 exclusive.
  2. It was developed by the same team who created Indigo Prophecy (Fahrenheit), and Omikron: The Nomad Soul.
  3. You'll either love it or hate it. There is no in-between.
  4. SHAUN!!!


The story of Heavy Rain involves four protagonists, each connected in some way to the mysterious Origami Killer. The stories of each character are initially separate, but are intertwined. The game features a variety of choices which effects how the game plays out, and ultimately the entire outcome of the game. Including who lives or dies.

The game starts off as your character Ethan Mars, an architect and father of two sons, wakes up in bed. During the next few minutes Ethan gets nude, gets wet, and gets down. Sorry ladies, this scene isn't as arousing as it sounds. The man is merely taking his morning shower. After which you can spend the rest of the day watching TV, drinking juice, and generally being a lazy ass, or alternately you can choose to work on your house designs. It's all up to you.

Eventually your wife comes home and informs you it's your son's birthday today. She asks you to get out the plates for lunch and scolds you for not doing so. It's as if you're supposed to know where the plates are! It's not like you've lived there for years or any- Oh...right.

During this time you walk upstairs to find your son looking at his dead bird. This is rather odd, considering that just a few moments prior to your wife and children arriving home the bird was completely fine. In fact, it was so fine that it was bouncing all around the cage. It's at this point that you start to wonder if Ethan Mars isn't the Birdigami Killer himself! Except that you don't wonder that, and there is no such thing as a Birdigami Killer.

Sometime after the party you find yourself in the mall with your sons. Your eldest son goes missing and it's up to you to find him.

Luigi points inappropriately at your genitals.

You knew this was coming.

Don't worry though. He's carrying a red balloon. He shouldn't be hard to find, right? WRONG! It turns out it's National Red Balloon Day or something, because everyone in the mall is carrying a red balloon. After harassing about twelve children carrying balloons you finally find your son. Oh, thank God, Jason! I thought I'd never see you aga-


That's right. Immediately after finding your son he's hit by a car. CONGRATULATIONS! You've just beaten the tutorial! Don't worry. It gets much worse better from here!


Heavy Rain features four playable characters, each with their own stories. They all play the same for the most part, but are different enough to avoid being carbon copies of each other. Also, one of them is a hot chick! Score!

Ethan Mars: A lazy bum who mooches off his wife, and spends his days drinking juice while watching TV. He becomes depressed after the death of his son, and he and his wife separate. He now lives in a crappy, run-down house, and only gets to see his other son Shaun every now and then. When he does have him he proves just what a terrible father he is, by feeding him frozen-week-old-pizza, and letting him watch disturbing French cartoons. At the very least, Ethan can take comfort in that fact that things can't possibly get any wor-

OH, COME ON! First his son dies, then his other son is kidnapped?! Next you'll be telling me he's forced to crawl through a tunnel filled with broken glass-

That's a lot of glass.

I'll be shutting up now.

Norman Jayden: An FBI agent with a boner for justice! Also, drugs. He looks like he's straight out of The X-Files, and has a pair of special 3D glasses named ARI designed by the government (or possibly James Cameron) that allow him to see the tiniest details in any environment. Such as pollen floating in the air, or a dead cat lying on the railroad tracks. ARI is an invaluable tool that greatly enhances his search for the killer. It's also just a huge toy for him to screw around with...

I've got a desk on Mars! Beat that Dr. Manhattan!

I've got a desk on freakin' Mars! Beat that Dr. Manhattan!

Madison Paige: A reporter with a boner for journalism. Also, she's a female who doesn't get boners. She's covering the story of the Origami Killer, and mainly exists to give the male audience something to ogle at. The creators of the game must've enjoyed sticking it to her, because damn the girl goes through a lot. Without spoiling anything, let me just say that for a game focusing on the Origami Killer...She gets attacked by a lot of other serial killers too, okay? Sorry for spoiling her many brutal encounters. Here, I'll make it up to you:

Feeling better now?

There, feeling better?

Scott Shelby: A William Shatner look-alike. He's a private detective on the hunt for the Origami Killer. He later befriends a prostitute, and they form their own show titled: A Dick 'n Hoe. Okay, the show part is a lie, but the hooker part is true. Shelby investigates some shady characters, including a not-so-subtle Michael Jackson character.

He lures little boys to his house, and spends his days watching Ratatouille. Yeah...

The guy "invites" little boys

into his limo, and spends

his days watching Ratatouille.

No this is not Scott Shelby,

this is the pedophile suspect.


The gameplay in Heavy Rain is unique, as you walk forward by holding down the R2 Trigger, and use the analog stick to guide you. You can also manipulate many things in the environment, such as picking up pictures to view, or messing around and touching everything in the bathroom. (This however is not recommended however, as bathrooms tend to be very, very filthy.) To reiterate the game basically let's you screw around, and do whatever you want. This however is not always a good idea.

Take for example a scene where you're being chased by the police. Would it be a good idea to 1. Pretend you aren't being chased by the cops, and watch a little TV and maybe drink a little juice, or 2. Remember that you're being chased by the cops and run like hell. Most people would go with 2, but you don't have to. That's what makes the game (and America) great.

Other sections of the game play out like QTEs (Quick Time Events for all you n00bs). Like say you're driving down the freeway at a hundred and ten miles an hour. Great right? Except you're driving on the wrong side of the road. In an event like this you'd have to push the analog stick, or hold down the square button, or tap the circle button rapidly depending on what's happening.

Of course these sections aren't without choices either. You can choose to go around the left, or the right of the giant truck which is speeding towards you, or do nothing and die. The choice is up to you!

I knew should've turned left at that tree.


After playing through this heart-stopping game (which was not an easy task for me, due to my heart-dying-death condition), I have come to this conclusion...


Okay, sure there are sections of the game that are kind of boring, like where you have to help the suicidal chick take care of her baby. But for every moment like that there are like ten more heart-stopping, chest-tightening, stroke-inducing sections that'll leave you in the hospital! My doctor says my heart can't take another play through. Screw him! I'm gonna start another play through right now!

Oh, alright. I'm at the title screen. Awesome. Cool. Alright, I'll select that chapter with all the action. Good. Alright, I'm starting it. Ha, everything is fine. Stupid doctor didn't know a damn thing! I feel great! I feel... Gaaaaaaagghhllyyy...

Aaaaah! I'm so angry my patient didn't listen to me! If you could see me you'd see that I'm angry!

I told you not to play that game!