The Killers

The band indie purists love to hate, and those who hate indie purists love to love, The Killers are a pop/rock quartet who hail from Las Vegas, NV.

Just The Facts

  1. The Killers took their name from the fake band featured in New Order's "Crystal" video. Everyone already knew this but you.
  2. Only one of the Killers is a Mormon. The other Killers pray to God that you would quit asking them about Mormonism.
  3. Gentlemen, your women all wish you were Brandon Flowers.
  4. Ladies, your men all wish you were Brandon Flowers.

Somebody Told Me....

The Killers were formed in 2002, in Vegas' soft plump underbelly, when bellhop/ vocalist/keyboardist Brandon Flowers answered a newspaper ad placed by delightfully maned guitarist Dave Keuning. The rhythm section of Mark Stoermer and Ronnie "My Name is Earl" Vannucci completed the line-up. And the world's most visually challenged skanktard gave them the material for their hit, "Mr. Brightside."

Someone willfully quit having sex with this man.

Yes, he was dumped. But Brandon Flowers wrote some lyrics, rinsed and repeated, and voila-- the feel-jealous hit of 2004. The Killers' debut album Hot Fuss was marked by retro 80's synths and such lyrical fare as murdering cheating ho-bags, boyfriends who looked like trannies, and stalking football players, or as we like to call it, Thursday night.

As if looking like a sequined, guylinered peacock you want to have unnatural relations with was not good enough, Brandon Flowers also had the publicity-inducing weaknesses of: 1, descending into verbal jackassery, where he would diss other bands with little or no provocation and, 2, being Mormon, which for all the attention given it, appears to have the same shock value as a two-headed sloth winning the Boston Marathon.

The angel Moroni said what???

I Got a Little Fight

In 2006, The Killers released their sophomore album, Sam's Town, inspired by the joyous delight of desert living, which presumably is the 127-degree sand in your ass crack. Their sound became more guitar-focused, sweet mojave rain replaced the rainy promenades, and sequins subsided in a hairy outpouring of the greatest pornstaches seen outside a Ron Jeremy flick.

That's one bitching stache

Brandon Flowers' flappy trap shifted from rival band debasement to self-promotion when he notoriously declared Sam's Town to be "one of the greatest albums of the last twenty years"-- a saying which will doubtless be engraved on his tombstone, in the witching hour, when Rolling Stone editors rise from their coffins to feast on the supple minds of the young.

This actually happened.

The album included the hits "Bones," "Read My Mind," and "When You Were Young." True to their mantle as "Best British Band Not From Britain," The Killers also became mainstays on the English music festival circuit, playing Glastonbury and T in the Park. Brandon wore gold. The crowd wore mud.

A Bullet in Your What?

2006 also saw the birth of a holiday tradition: The Killers' Christmas song for (RED). "A Great Big Sled" was followed by 2007's tinsel-wrapped eagle of Yuletide glory, "Don't Shoot Me Santa." Last year's release, "Joseph, Better You Than Me," an ode to the World's Greatest Step-Dad, featured Neil Tennant and Elton John.

Two Words: Lou Friggin Reed

The Killers also released Sawdust in 2007, a collection of b-sides, covers, and rarities. The album featured the single "Tranquilize," which featured Lou Friggin Reed.

So, step back, haters. Because you know who loves The Killers? Lou Friggin Reed!

Ahem: to sum up, they got Lou Reed on their album. Their b-sides album.

It's About a Tiger

As the wise Arapaho say, Every stache must have its shave. The Killers went all, "we'll dress how we want and sound how we want, so fuck you, Rolling Stone"* with 2008's Day and Age, which features sax solos and alien abduction among its many amenities. *imaginary quote by Brandon Flowers

While he has abdicated the throne of notorious musical mouth-diarrhetic to the far more capable Kayne West, Brandon Flowers again managed to incite some controversy when people questioned the lyrics to the first single, "Human." Yes, the same people who normally screech ROFLMAOAYMFC!!!! and various tenders for homosexuals in demented ALLCAPS enjoyed pointing out that "Are we human, or are we dancer?" seems to be missing an S.

The Killers managed to storm the barricades of the Grammar Tsars and release two other singles, "Spaceman," a retrospective on Dave Keuning's dalliance with Little Green Men, and "A Dustland Fairytale," Brandon Flowers' ode to his parent's marriage. The album also features "Joyride," a song about roadside pickups and hotel lovin', and "Neon Tiger," which, yes, is about a tiger. Siegfried and Roy's tiger.

They're from Vegas, if you missed it.

Which brings us back to doe