Cracked.com

you are actually looking at it right now...

Pictured: Cracked sabotaging an innocent paratroper who is en route to killing Hitler

Goof thinking Cracked (sarcasm)

Pictured: It is unwise to read Cracked in front of Darth Vader

Just The Facts

  1. The tag line says that it is "America's Only Humor and Video Site, Since 1958" which is wierd, the internet was firt operational on 1983.
  2. This site is full of dick jokes.
  3. They have an awesome janitor.
  4. The staff is composed of dudes who have way more free time than you had.
  5. They make fun of Sientology, Michael Bay and Mad for some reason.
  6. They are funny ...(I think)
  7. The only reason someone is writing an article about them is because they won't write it themselves.

Cracked on Cracked.

There use to be a Cracked magazine. It was created primarily as a fanbase of Mad who somehow hate their idol. According to wikipedia, was "created as a knock-off of MAD magazine just over 50 years ago," and it "spent nearly half a century with a fan base primarily comprised of people who got to the store after MAD sold out." but mad never really sold out so shit really hit the fan for them.

So to rise up to the challenge, they created this website to save the trees.

They also hire other writers to write for them because they ARE LAZY.

Cracked.com also has a friends list, probably ripped from facebook.

But recent development have shown that Cracked.com has a deeper history that thought of :

Their Worthy Janitor (I forgot his name) founf a piece of paper that looks like a discarded tissue paper after its been used.He showed it to Cody who thought it was a treasure map, DOB thought it was a map to skull island, but after careful deliberation and slight extortion, they confirmed that it was in fact a used tissue paper.

They were just about to discard it when Brockway came storming in shouting verses from conan and breaking everything he set his eyes on. After the rampage, they saw that the the basement walls Cracked and led to a room full of antiques. They saw a chinese dude and from then on, that chinese dude then revealed to them the real heritage of Cracked. Their true history almost forgoten. The secrets of the universe almost not mastered. But

To know what that chinese duse said click here.

Or was it here.

Or maybe here.

Im still not sure.

But if not then there's porn here

The Staff

These are the people who has more free time than you:

Dan O'Brien

That's him

Thats him

He is the righthand of the suprime ruler of Cracked. He hates pregnant woman and some people follow his shit in twitter. He writes things and is an advocate of Madmen. He also appeared in videos with Swaim and other cracked columnists and has wet dreams of Pamela Anderson. A fellow named G-stone killed DOB on one of his shows. He was never seen again.

But because dead people have a way to make a comeback (and people usually forgive people do died), the suprime ruler of cracked made a great effort to make a lot of money out of his death by showing the world what DOB use to be. You know, before the incident...

So, to fund their scheme, they dugg up from the vaults of Leng DOB's childhood to show the world that the cracked staff is also mortals.

Robert Brockway

He eats fire

He is the guy who has issues with manliness. He also has a side project website in case shit hits the fan in Cracked. He also fights robots and by the look of his picture, he like to eat fire due to his really cool photoshoping powers.

Robotman

Robotman - sometimes known as "Chris Bucholz" and less frequently as "Hey dipshit" - is a frequent contributor to Cracked. His powerful and moving work has also appeared at nationallampoon.com, thebigjewel.com and pointlesswasteoftime.com

His personal website, robotmantheblog.com tackles the material that today's mainstream media refuse to examine because of its "unnecessarily scatological nature." He fully expects to win several awards for this work.

Yeah!!! i just copied his own Bio!!! hehehe

In ordinary days, he can be seen fighting Brockway because that dude fiths robots.

Seanbaby

He was last seen on April 8, 2009, 3:50 pm. He is not creative enought to write his own tagline yet because he is busy being less awesome than you.

He also has no friends...

G-Stone

Also known as Gladstone. He has issues especially with Fox News and CNN and just about everything else. He is the kind of person who sees the bad in everything. Some people follow him at twitter, and stalk him at Facebook. So what's he been upto then? He is secretly experimenting on lettuce and photoshop to achieve the perfect Don Drapper look.

Swaim

Like Robot Man, he is also a robot ( at least in one of his shows). he is the suprime ruler writer of Those Aren't Muskets He also does a list show featuring retarded and sometimes awesome videos. A fact that he is watching too much YouTube.

He is also having a Michael Bay Syndrome (a rare disease characterized by love of absurd and exploding things. The first symptoms is fire. The second is doing absurd things.)

David Wong -

He looks really gay with no sex appeal. He is the editor of craked and sometimes writes a retarded horror books called John Dies at the end. Who ever John is? we have no fucking clue thats why we're buying it so we could know. But from the words of wisdom of Ben Parker " With great power comes great responsibilities" and unfortunately for us, David Wong secretly uses his power as a cracked editor to shamelesly promote his book and tell us that were going to die if we don't buy one, we're going to die and its not really his fault. He thinks that his book is a survival guide of some kind.

Whoa dude.. talking about scientology.

Most of his colums are either related to Video games or Inaccurate review of movies with enought shit that you would be persuaded not to watch them. A sure fact that he is the one who has the most free time of them all and somehow he has found a way to secretly enjoy a Harry Potter book.

Cody -

Cody it thier new recruit prisoner of war after they beat the shit out of Xenu using nothing but gladstone as their sheild and brockway as thier bait.They stow him (brock) inside a giant mouse trap and waited for a micro second when Xenu tried to eat him but instead became barbecued beause FUCK YOU Brock can command the sun!!! Dammit!!!

Anyway, that has nothing to do with Cody. I just though it would be nice to put interest in an obviously boring matter.

You see that confused, bearded guy up there? Thats him and the giant Robot is the alter ego of Satan telling him he will cut his balls with a scissor. The blue backgound is just there to indicate that something exploded at their back but we aren't aloud to see. And there is lightning there somewhere. (How the Fuck did that get there?)

Have youe ever noticed?

The cracked staff is composed of an all male group.

There is not a drop of Female blood in the vicinity.

They work together and write dick jokes.

Something's not right.

Other thing you should care about???

Craption - some people submit really weired photos. This is one.

why so Q*****rius??

It is done so because thier staff are afraid of people.

Topic Page

The Cracked staff dicided to creat an alternative to Wikipedia with only a handfull of actual useful information and a fuck-ton of dick jokes.

Well, thats that they use to say.

But actually, the sole purpose of the cracked topic page is to train the new recruits and ensure that the future of humankind is safe from the clutches of Xenu.

The Cracked Topic Page is also concucting extensive research on possible ways of curing cancer with bacon, or Awesome ways to kill zombies or understanding the secrets of badass while not being a douchebag.