2010 World Cup
Wait, what? Yup. Soccer. But soccer is so gay. It ain't, and i'll prove it. So, i give you the 2010 Football world cup for the Soccer impaired. But first, some ideas on why people might think Soccer is gay...
Just The Facts
- Football (as we know it) was invented in england around 1839
- Played by two teams, composed by eleven players (one goalie), it consists in kicking a ball around and scoring goals on opposite nets.
- Cristiano Ronaldo (the guy blowing Rooney above) just got transfered to Real Madrid for 93 million dollars. keep in mind that's just the transfer fee.
Origins
It's been suggested that football has its roots in games played by the Romans and Ancient Greeks. But that would add yet another fact to question the manliness of football. That's the reason why i'll give you the story your teahcers would't tell you.
Simone Perotta, Midfielder for AS Roma. Not gay. Just Italian.
Being argentinean, football is part of our history. It was brought to our country by railroad workers from england around 1890. At least the ruled and official version of it. The Meso American natives used to play a very similar game centuries before. it involved kicking a round object around a field with several nets, with the object of scoring points by getting said ball into the nets. Players from one team painted themselves red to identify themselves from the other team. With blood. From human sacrificies.
DId i mention the round object they kicked around was a severed head?
The World Cup
Years went by, some modifications were introduced (the whole "severed-head-football" wasn't really marketable for Nike), and by 1930 a world cup was played between 13 national teams. Hosted in Uruguay (seriously), the local team kept the trophy winning against Argentina by 4-2. The U.S. national team ended up 3rd, being beaten 6-1 to Argentina, and possibly starting the whole "soccer is gay" thing.
Every 4 years a new tournament was played in different locations, with different winners such as France, Italy and Germany. Then, in 1958, everything went terribly wrong.
Ok. Not THAT wrong. (and if you were guessing, that's Frenchman Cantona
telling a Manchester fan he dissaproves his remarks of the match).
Brazil
What's your first thought of Brazil?
That's probably mine too.
For football fans it would be this:
and this:
also...
(that's Pele. Keep that in mind)
18 World cups have been played since 1930, 32 teams play the modern version, only 7 countries won it. Brazil won it 5 times. Five Friggin Times. In different decades, with different players. It may not seem much, but, football wise, it is. And, to argentineans, Brazil has always been our Soviet Union, when talking sports.
So what about the next year's edition? what about Argentina? Glad you asked.
Oh, and if you were wondering what's the most balanced thought of Brazil for a football fan that would be...
Brazilian football fans. As seen on football matches.
Argentina and the 2010 World Cup
We can't really complain. Argentina won the cup twice, in 1978 and in 1986, and ended up second twice as well (1930 and 1990).
In 1986 our team was weak to say the least, but we had one player on our side that made up for the rest. Diego Maradona. At this point it doesn't really matter if you like football or not, you've heard about Maradona. He was incredible on and off the field, for completely different reasons. At the time of the world cup he was playing for the italian football version of the Chicago Cubs, Napoli. Fighting for relegation to the second division, Maradona made Napoli win it's only italian Championship, an Italian Cup, an European Cup and a Super italian cup (i know that sounds made up, but italians aren't very creative either).
Maradona, circa 1986
Considered the best football player alive, he led Argentina to it's second World Cup win against Germany, after defeating rivals such as England (scoring two equally unique goals). He was winning the big bucks long before anyone else in football did. Then he turned to the dark side...
Maradona, taken off the field for a Midichlorian count.
In the 1994 US World Cup, his last cup, Diego Maradona tested positive in a drug test and was banned from the sport for two years. Since then his decaying path became evident. Several confirmed adictions, along with his way of life, money problems and scandals. Consider Maradona the combination of Football + Michael Jackson + Michael Jordan - Child Abuse - Michael Jordan.
2003. Maradona the Hutt.
But what do you know? Several rehab's and surgeries later, Diego Maradona is the head Coach of the argentinean National team. Things haven't go so well, which basically means we haven't qualified 10 matches before the end of the regular season as we normally do, but you'll hear from us soon. If not for Maradona, it'll be for his newest, cleanest, version, FC Barcelona's wonder, Lionel Messi. Besides him you have the likes of Atletico Madrid's Aguero (father of Maradona's grandson), Real Madrid's Gago, or, Manchester City's hottest signing, Carlos Tevez (who proved football can make you a millonaire no matter how you look).
Ugly Charlie.
On a random note, remember that guy Pele? he's the equivalent of Maradona to brazilians. FIFA (the world's football Federation) awarded Maradona as the Chuck Norris of football. In order to define Pele, i'll leave you with the most common phrase you'll hear of him in Argentina, in Spanish:
Pele debuto con un pibe.
Yeah Brazilians take soccer very seriously. VERY SERIOUSLY. Schools and Supermarkets close for games. And there has always been a feud between Argentina and Brazil on the subject of soccer...
ReplyWhy this article has to have an agentinean perspective of the world cup? It could be less specific.
ReplyAlso, HA HA HA, OH WOW! Maradona?! The best player!? Sure, he was one of the best of all time, but there are players that were better than him, like Pele - TEH BEST WHO MADE OVER 9000 GOALS AND WON 3 f*****g WORLD CUPS!!1one! - and Johann Cruyff. Today, Messi is considered by many the best argentinean player of all time. Maradona is, in fact, the biggest douche of football history.
PS: Argentinean women are HAWT too.
Well, it's written from an Argentinian's perspective for I am, mind you, an Argentinian. Shocking, I know.
As to your origins, Sniffing-freud, I remain unaware, but kindly remind you that, unless you belong to the southern american hemisphere you are, were and forever will be a Lesser football suscriber, and therefore, authorized word on the subject.
I do appreciate your opinions as everyone else, but you might want to take a comparatve look at both Maradona's and Pele's achievements.
Apart from the fact of playing in different times (and yes, that is of importance when speaking of the game) Maradona won titles with argentinian clubs, spanish clubs and the unthinkable Napoli of Italy. While Pele played only for Santos, in the brazilian league, where the competition does not match up to the european sides (picture an NFL team against your high school).
Regarding the 3 world cups won by Pele, you should look into brazil's winning side's, and players like tostao, Falcao, Garrincha, Leonidas, Socrates, just to name a few. Brazil had the best teams, not the best players.
And finally, just compare the game from both of them. Pele was effective, a sriker who copuld score, Maradona goes unchallenged regarding his footballing skills.
Anyway, thanks for the read, and the compliment on our natives. You should disregard everything i've just said and focus on the search of argentinean goddeses instead.
No matter what you guys say, Johan Cruijff is the best.
Cruijff - please spell his name correctly - did not need the Hand of God.
Please remember June 26th, 1974 and July 3rd, 1974. Please also forget July 7th 1974.
Also Cruijff delivered the biggest f**k you in the history of football. In 1978 he retired. His Dutch come-back was in 1981; Cruijff made his team, Ajax, champion twice. Still in 1983 Ajax refused to extend his contract.
So Cruijff went to Feyenoord - the Dutch equivalent of Maradona playing for River Plate - and indeed, became champion again. He was 36, at which age Mardona was busy with cocaine.
Main reason though: I'm Dutch.
Football is so gay that US can´t even have "the balls" to win a world cup!!! Better you guys keeping with baseball or hugging yourselves in a crazy way to call a game football cause the word soccer is soooo sucker...
Reply...what?
the guy pantsing himself is not Perotta, it's Antonio Cassano. Just in case anyone cares.
ReplyNobody?
Uh okay.
I care. :c
hope you enjoy the opening ceremony!
ReplySouth African ‘traditional leaders’ intend performing ritual animal slaughters in order to bless the Soccer Football Stadiums to be used during the 2010 FIFA Soccer World Cup. Zolani Mkiva, chairman of the Makhonya Royal Trust, said the tournament has to to be blessed in true “African style” and that they are going to slaughter cows in sacrifice at each of the 10 stadiums to be used for the event.
Just in case you have not viewed the YouTube clip, here is how it happens:
The cow’s legs are tethered together and she is flipped on her side. You can hear her moaning. She is held down by two or three people while a fourth one is standing by with a small dish and a fifth person wields the knife. They slit her throat, but the animal does not die. She screams and struggles, trying to throw off her assailant. He stumbles backwards and comes for her again, cutting some more. Her eyelids are still batting and her eyes are filled with panic and fear as he hacks away at her throat. She continues struggling weakly as the man with the dish approaches her to catch the blood spurting from her arteries. She still is not dead. There is no post- or pre-incision stunning.
It will take a while before she will have bled enough to die – much longer than the 51 second YouTube clip embedded in this blog.
Now, I cannot help but wonder whether the South African application to the FIFA World Cup Executive Committee ever disclosed the possibility of ritual animal slaughter. Probably not, even though some of the South African delegates MUST have known that this was likely to happen. After all, some of them will have participated in such slaughters before. I also have to wonder whether the FIFA World Cup Executive Committee would have awarded the 2010 FIFA Soccer World Cup rights to South Africa had they known. I seriously doubt it.
I do agree with you, that's just plain Horrible. Though i need to point out it has absolutely nothing to do with the world cup. What i'm triying to say is, If south africans decide that the ritual must be done, there organization capable of stopping them. Truth is that Africa's culture is completely different from ours. Even though i do not justify needless violence or the suffering of an animal, little do we understand due to our western minds. Again: i do not agree or approve this, but it has nothing to do with the world cup being played in south Africa or FIFA (though i hate FIFA and would love to pin it on them).
Oh and you need to add something about England and penalities..
ReplyRight you are. I've been thinking about doing another one now that the groups have been sorted (you lucky bastards!), so i'll see to that. Right again with the crystal palace remark, but this yanks would only get more confused with that info.
'that's Frenchman Cantona telling a Manchester fan he dissaproves his remarks of the match' - actually he was a Crystal Palace fan...
ReplyPretty good article, I enjoyed it.
Replymuch appreciated. Greetings to Mancunia.
nice article
ReplyThanks, were thanks are due. It took almost 7,000 views to get 2 comments, but, totally worth it. And on a different note: No armemos conventillo como en cualquier foro invadido de argentinos. Aca el amigo mexicano mando agradecimientos y metio un chiste. Y no nos olvidemos qeu antes del gol de Maxi, mexico con lavolpe nos cago a cascotazos 120 minutos...
excelent topic, nice captions, a bit biased but you ARE an argentine writing about the world cup.
ReplyOn that same note, Mexico WILL win in 2010...
...and Hugo Sanchez was the best - forget it, cant even finish this sentence *leaves with national pride intact*
so u a mexican huh? que paso el mundial pasado con maxi rodriguez? se quedaron con las ganas no?