Wait, what? Yup. Soccer. But soccer is so gay. It ain't, and i'll prove it. So, i give you the 2010 Football world cup for the Soccer impaired. But first, some ideas on why people might think Soccer is gay...
It's been suggested that football has its roots in games played by the Romans and Ancient Greeks. But that would add yet another fact to question the manliness of football. That's the reason why i'll give you the story your teahcers would't tell you.
Simone Perotta, Midfielder for AS Roma. Not gay. Just Italian.
Being argentinean, football is part of our history. It was brought to our country by railroad workers from england around 1890. At least the ruled and official version of it. The Meso American natives used to play a very similar game centuries before. it involved kicking a round object around a field with several nets, with the object of scoring points by getting said ball into the nets. Players from one team painted themselves red to identify themselves from the other team. With blood. From human sacrificies.
DId i mention the round object they kicked around was a severed head?
Years went by, some modifications were introduced (the whole "severed-head-football" wasn't really marketable for Nike), and by 1930 a world cup was played between 13 national teams. Hosted in Uruguay (seriously), the local team kept the trophy winning against Argentina by 4-2. The U.S. national team ended up 3rd, being beaten 6-1 to Argentina, and possibly starting the whole "soccer is gay" thing.
Every 4 years a new tournament was played in different locations, with different winners such as France, Italy and Germany. Then, in 1958, everything went terribly wrong.
Ok. Not THAT wrong. (and if you were guessing, that's Frenchman Cantona
telling a Manchester fan he dissaproves his remarks of the match).
What's your first thought of Brazil?
That's probably mine too.
For football fans it would be this:
(that's Pele. Keep that in mind)
18 World cups have been played since 1930, 32 teams play the modern version, only 7 countries won it. Brazil won it 5 times. Five Friggin Times. In different decades, with different players. It may not seem much, but, football wise, it is. And, to argentineans, Brazil has always been our Soviet Union, when talking sports.
So what about the next year's edition? what about Argentina? Glad you asked.
Oh, and if you were wondering what's the most balanced thought of Brazil for a football fan that would be...
Brazilian football fans. As seen on football matches.
We can't really complain. Argentina won the cup twice, in 1978 and in 1986, and ended up second twice as well (1930 and 1990).
In 1986 our team was weak to say the least, but we had one player on our side that made up for the rest. Diego Maradona. At this point it doesn't really matter if you like football or not, you've heard about Maradona. He was incredible on and off the field, for completely different reasons. At the time of the world cup he was playing for the italian football version of the Chicago Cubs, Napoli. Fighting for relegation to the second division, Maradona made Napoli win it's only italian Championship, an Italian Cup, an European Cup and a Super italian cup (i know that sounds made up, but italians aren't very creative either).
Maradona, circa 1986
Considered the best football player alive, he led Argentina to it's second World Cup win against Germany, after defeating rivals such as England (scoring two equally unique goals). He was winning the big bucks long before anyone else in football did. Then he turned to the dark side...
Maradona, taken off the field for a Midichlorian count.
In the 1994 US World Cup, his last cup, Diego Maradona tested positive in a drug test and was banned from the sport for two years. Since then his decaying path became evident. Several confirmed adictions, along with his way of life, money problems and scandals. Consider Maradona the combination of Football + Michael Jackson + Michael Jordan - Child Abuse - Michael Jordan.
2003. Maradona the Hutt.
But what do you know? Several rehab's and surgeries later, Diego Maradona is the head Coach of the argentinean National team. Things haven't go so well, which basically means we haven't qualified 10 matches before the end of the regular season as we normally do, but you'll hear from us soon. If not for Maradona, it'll be for his newest, cleanest, version, FC Barcelona's wonder, Lionel Messi. Besides him you have the likes of Atletico Madrid's Aguero (father of Maradona's grandson), Real Madrid's Gago, or, Manchester City's hottest signing, Carlos Tevez (who proved football can make you a millonaire no matter how you look).
On a random note, remember that guy Pele? he's the equivalent of Maradona to brazilians. FIFA (the world's football Federation) awarded Maradona as the Chuck Norris of football. In order to define Pele, i'll leave you with the most common phrase you'll hear of him in Argentina, in Spanish:
Pele debuto con un pibe.