Ways To Kick The Bucket At A Nude Beach

Nude beaches are the surest proof that there is, in fact, a God. Nude beaches are the dream of every prepubescent boy in the world, and kicking the bucket? Well, not so much. Read past that huge flowchart to get an idea of what to expect...

All of the afforementioned characteristics will probbaly be found at a nude beach.

Just The Facts

  1. Nudisem and the ideas for nude beaches both came from france. (Ewww...)
  2. Nude beaches are most popular in norway, denmark, and not america.
  3. In norway, all beaches are pants optional.
  4. Boobies.


So, your on your way to a nude beach. Good for you. Your open minded. But, will you survive the trials that lurk beyond those sandy hills and garbage cans? Let's take by a level system, shall we?

So you hop out your car, (Clothes remaining on) and walk out onto the beach. The first trial is seeing a fat Italian dude's sausage swing'n in the wind. If, at the moment of sausage-sighting, you drop dead right then and there from sheer horror, you probbaly should stick to the YMCA. If you can remain unmoved by this, and turn away, congratulations, your a level 1.

Next step. After you've laid out your towel on the sand, it comes time for the nudifying of yourself. If, at the moment of pants-removel, you chicken out and second guess yourself and see a blinding light from your pale upper thighs, you are not fully equipped to move on. If, however, you are comfterble with your body, *sincker*, and you freely let go of those drawers? Feel the breeze! Your a level 2!

After that, your walking around. Soaking it all up. Maybe you get your toes wet a bit. But those people out there are way too tan. (In the business we call them "leathers.") So, you hang around some more, sunbathe, listen to your ipod maybe. But then comes the next hurdle! Talking to a nude stranger. Now, no matter if this is a man or a woman it's not gonna be like in porn. They are probbaly fat, and they probbaly have sungalsses on. If you, at that point, choose to scale a nearby cliff and fling yourself off onto the rocks below rather than talk to this person, your definitly not ready for this yet. But, if you manage to hold it all in and talk about the weather for at least a few sentences? Your level 3 material.

So, you had a good time. (Provided your a level 3 at this point.) Your at home and, after cleaning the sand out of your special parts, feeling pretty good about what you did that day. But then, you realize, you must share this experience! (This thought, in and of itself comprises level 3 and a half) So, you resolve to go next week and bring a friend. And, when the day rolls around, you get there with your buddy and you have to, in a totally hey,-we're-just-pals-i-don't-have-an-inner-desire-to-see-your-you-know-what,-honest type of way, coax the pants offa them. If you can succesfully do that, congratulations! your level 4! Bouns! not many people get to level 3 and a half, even. You must be a pornstar or a hippie.

Yeah, good luck with level one.

SO, let's review general pro's and con's.

Pros- May get to see extremely hot women or very attractive men naked with no strings attatched. May change the way you view yourself, and think about the world. May be a freeing experience.

Cons- You probbaly will see naked fat people. It may change the way you view yourself, because the fatties there will probbaly have more confidence than you, beanpole.