Rick Astley

You may have been too scared to click a link called "Rick Astley" and with very good reason. With each new incarnation of the "Rick Roll" the internet has never been more dangerous. This is an article about the most diabolical man on the interwebs.

Look at that smug, daring look he gives us...

Just The Facts

  1. You have been "Rick Rolled" before.
  2. If you havent been "Rick Rolled" you're a fucking liar!
  3. If you thought "Barack Rolled" was funny you're an unoriginal asshole.
  4. Everytime someone gets "Rick Rolled" an Angel falls into the dark abyss of Cthulu's lair where they will make sweet love and enabling Cthulu to gain exp points to have the courage to devour all peoples (You're welcome nerds)!

In the beginning (1980)

Rick Astley was playing for a band called FBI (I'm assuming this stood for Female Booby Inspector) when he was stolen away to be a "Tea Boy" at a record company. He had high hopes even in the beginning. A bunch of other stuff happened and he became a singer (I don't pretend to know the personal parts of Ricks life, I'm not a stalker). Many believed he was African American due to his deep voice, including comedian Sinbad who was surprised he was not "one of the brothers."

"."

"I would like Rick Astley more if he performed in black face"

In the middle (1987)

"Never Gonna Give You Up" comes out and unbeknownst to the world it would forever clog the tubes of the interwebs. A sad day for Al Gore indeed...

"Stupid interwebs is clogged again, God damn you Rick Astley!"

Present Day (Whenever now is, in relation to you reading this sentence)

Every idiot with a terrible sense of humor will try and rick roll you. It was fun when it started and I admit to finding humor in it at first. During my time at Upright Citizens Brigade in LA (sweet brag bro!) Billy Merritt Rick Rolled the entire audience, good clean fun. Little did we know it would become the pandemic that it is today. Just think about how I feel when I'm trying to look up "HOT CHICK GIVING THE BEST BLOW JOB EVAR!" and it turns out to be Rick Astley. Its not only a threat to our interwebs but a threat to the heterosexual lifestyle so many people are trying to lead.

"I dont get it, we clicked a link about football and some music video came on and we started going at it."

In Closing.

Please stop with the Rick Roll already people. We get it, you know how to use HTML and make a link say something other than it really is. You are witty and hilarious. On another note click here to see a girl with great big tits make out with another girl with even bigger tits!