Video Game Movies
Video game movies combine everything terrible about both.
Video Game Movies
Hollywood doesn't make good video game movies for the same reason General Motors doesn't make motorized unicycles: they're stupid ideas, there's very little money in them and they aren't very good at making their regular product to begin with. When the reason that a product exists in the first place boils down to, "Out of ideas," the chances of producing a high quality product aren't great.
The Plot Problem
As far as movies are concerned there are two types of video game plot
1. The Crazy Ones
If you weren't distracted by playing the game you'd realize most video game plots are insane. And when riding blue dinosaurs or beating up schoolgirls in an airforce bases is all that's stopping you noticing real madness, you make the Joker look like a camp counsellor. Eating flowers to defend yourself from spiked eggs thrown by a cloud isn't a scene--it's when your therapist decides to buy a yacht. Hence Hollywood takes some liberties.
2. The Perfect Ones
Some video games have plots that would be impossible to screw up as movies. Unfortunately, Hollywood screenwriters take that as a challenge, which is why we had a House of the Dead without a house, and The Legend of Chun-Li (in the game a kung-fu expert Interpol agent beating up a psychically powered crime lord) became a classical pianist versus an Irish estate agent.
It's Not Worth Their Time
Last year the entire video game industry was worth 22-billion dollars. The Dark Knight grossed a billion by itself. Expecting a movie to be faithful to the source is like expecting Milla Jovovich to remain faithful to Level 70 Blood Elf (which will happen as soon as those idiots accept our script). They've already got the original fans by putting the name on the poster, and if they can convince another million idiots to turn up by adding a retarded romantic subplot, Tara Reid as a scientist or Bob Hoskins then they'll do it and still sleep like babies at night. Remember: In box office-ese, "seeing the movie then ranting about it forever online" translates as "seeing the movie."
So, uh. The Dark Knight is a comic book movie - a medium that's worth around $55 million. And it's -extremely- faithful to the medium. Y'know, an incredibly lower amount than video games. So the hell you getting at with that?
ReplyHey, Kirby rides a motorized unicycle! It's called Wheelie. Video games, you so crazy!
ReplyPeter Jackson's movies stayed pretty true to the Lord Of the Rings books. However, that f*****g weird scene with the troll WAS NOT in the book. I'll admit that it was pretty badass, but a complete waste of time if they could have used that screen time on explanations, and a complete waste of money if certain actors didn't get paid.
ReplyUm, I don't recall the scene in Return of the King where zombie ghosts massacre the army in front of Minas Tirith by sucking the life out of everybody...
It didn't happen at Minas Tirith in the books. In the books the dead army killed all the people on the ships, then Aragorn and a small army sailed the ships up the river picking up a large army that was on it's way to minas tirith, but was too slow to get there in time, on the way.
Really? I read that the video game industry actually surpassed the movie industry in money-making.
ReplyThey deserve to.
Motorized unicycles. Win.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesAt least if it's a spectator sport...!
General Electric was the company founded by Thomas Edison, therefore, SHIT. At the time he made DC motors, which were shockingly expensive compared to Tesla's superior AC motors. Tesla founded Westinghouse, a company that should have been called Superior Electric. If you want a motorized unicycle, call Westinghouse! It should be way better at making motors because it had Tesla, back in the 1900's.
If you don't believe Tesla was awesome, realize that he began a SECOND industrial revolution. A SECOND f*****g REVOLUTION!
General Electric doesn't deserve your money. They almost fucked the world up with their DC.
In short: DO NOT, pay General Electric for Motorized unicycles. Pay Westinghouse.
he said GM s**t for brains
Edwardos = steaming pile of dumb s**t
@Edwardos - There was no second industrial revolution you f*****g retard.
In elementary school I had a cursive teacher who was obsessed with Tesla, and was the same way as Edwardos. Also, wasnt Westinghouse founded by Westinghouse, not Tesla?
The worst part about the Super Mario Bros. movie: if you take away the video game license. it's not that bad. The acting was okay, the special effects were decent, and the script had some funny lines. They should've forgotten about making a Mario movie and just called it "Invasion of the Dinosaur People" or something.
ReplyCome to think of it, I see what you mean. I actually thought of the same thing with the Chun-Li movie for awhile. It would've been a good film, if it weren't for Capcom or Street Fighter's logo being slapped all over it.
Come now. Its story plot isn't THAT stupid. Mario can be revamped as a very good cartoon series, instead of jumping straight into the silver screen first. A few feature movies may follow it eventually. 'Gonna post some script ideas on my personal website for anyone to read soon, but I'm not done yet. Only this time, Nintendo should ONLY give its license to well-experienced studios, like Walt Disney Studios or 4 K!ds, rather than DiC, which tried a lil (compare to the Mario movie), at least. But, oh well....
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThere were 2 Really Great "Super Mario" Cartoon Series, with Corresponding Breakfast Cereals.
"Super Mario Bros." and "Super Mario World" Respectively.
It would play in the same Hour Block as "Captain Nintendo".
Basically a 'Marty McFly' Character with a Nintendo Zapper on his Hip and Awesome Sidekicks like 'Mega Man' and an Anthrpomorphized 'Game Boy'.
Even "Legend of Zelda" had a Cartoon back then.
The BBC should have made a Harry Potter TV series. They did pretty f*****g well with The Hitch Hikers guide.
Half Life would make a badass movie. And it already IS like a movie!
Since Hideo himself has a substantial roile in the Metal Gear Solid movie,I'm not all that worried.I'm worried,but not as much as I am about other video game movies.After all,MGS is already mostly movie anyway.But the movie needs to actually get back into production...
ReplyYou do realize that the plot for the MGS games is complete tinfoil-hattery, right? It'll look even more insane when the audience isn't distracted by sneaking around in a box and shooting people, when they're free to think "wait, WHAT?"
Anyone remember Super Mario Bros the movie?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesOr Double Dragon the movie?
Very worried about the KOF and Tekken movie now.
Turns out KOF and Tekken are JUST AS BAD, if not worse, sorry.
Thanks for reminding me about the terrible Mario movie. I enjoy the Irate Gamer poking fun at it, at his "Top 5 Worst Video Game Movies", than actually watching this movie. I mean, whom do they think Bowser would kidnap, if put in the same room with Peach and Daisy?
At least Tekken Blood Vengeance is faithful to the games. Mario's goombas are not lizards! THEY ARE MUSHROOMS.
but werent the halo movies good i forgot?
ReplyThey never happened. Unless you count Halo Legends.
Do live under a rock, or were you dropped on the head?
meet the spartans was funny stupid but funy.
Replyf**k you in the bum.
This article makes a salient point that a lot of people seem to forget nowadays, one that doesn't just apply to video game movies. Namely, Hollywood doesn't care WHY you paid to see their crap, only whether you did or not!
ReplyYea I always die a little inside when I found out they want to make a video game movie... I mean the only one I hope to God is that they will never make a movie out of Metal Gear Solid. That is my favorite game and since MGS4 is already a movie in itself, Making a series of Metal Gear will kill me. I already know it would suck and it will also ruin the game... U_____U AND only David Hayter can be snake.
Replythey could make a movie, y'know, with David Hayter as snake...
There is an Italian Metal Gear film. I've heard good things.
The use of Mario scenes was inspired. Awesome job.
ReplyAnother good video game-based movie (Besides "silent hill"). Is Resident Evil: Degeneration. Probably because it is CG, and made by same people that were making CG scenes for Resident Evil 4.
ReplyAs for Uwe, I heard he went (or going to) out of business - because German government changed some laws that allowed him to easily find cash for his crap (paying for movies could reduce taxes or something). I'm not sure if this info is reliable, though.
No. Degenerations is simply terrible.
"To be honest, the real gamers are the typical download guys, right?" Boll reasoned. "They don't pay anything for movies, because they illegally download the movies. So why [should I] please these guys? I need the normal audience."
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThat is an actual quote from Uwe Boll regarding making movies out of video games. Now, I freely admit that I'm unfamiliar with anything he's done that wasn't a (TERRIBLE) video game movie, so he might actually have some talent beyond this particular genre. All I'm saying is a guy who typecasts all gamers as pirates and then dismisses them because "they don't pay me anyway" has no business making movies out of video games. Why does he even want to make video game movies if that's how he feels about video game gamers? The fact that this is what he's known for doesn't speak well of his ability to do anything else.
Uwe Boll sounds like a p***k
No, even ignoring the screw-ups he does with just Adapting it, his movies are poorly put together.
Isn't that what happened to Scott Pilgrim though? I mean I loved that movie, and it's probably gonna be a cult hit, but I can't think of anyone who actually paid for it
there's more going on with Uwe Boll than most people credit him.
Reply@cookieclown2000: Hollywood DOES care about video game movies.....they don't care about video games.
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ReplyQuestion, if hollywood doesn't care much about video game movies then why do they still make them?
ReplyBecause they make them money, obviously.