Shape Shifters

The werewolf, the vampire, the lingerie model. These are some of the best shape shifters of all time. However, man is also capable of creating shifters that are nearly criminal in their ability to suck. What follows are 4 of the worst of all time.

I only used this image for the nipples.

Shape Shifters

This movie sucks.

Mansquito

Scientist Jennifer Allen irradiates mosquito DNA in an effort to combat West Nile Virus, apparently having never read a single comic in her life. Inevitably an escaped criminal wanders into the lab, setting off an explosion and allowing the irradiated misquotes to bite both the doctor and the criminal. The two slowly shift into half human half mosquito misfits, ensuring that the 'this movie sucks' jokes will never end. A one sided romance ensues as the two turn into giant penis headed bugs who suck the life blood out of any one close to them. As shape shifters go, these two..well..suck.

I see nipples.

The Draug


This Nordic legend of an ancient mariner drowned at sea proves once again that the Norse were far more adept at drinking and pillaging than storytelling. The Draug was the sea weed headed ghost of a former sailor who sailed around in half a boat, attempting to drag other sailors to the depths with him. In his shape shifting form, he became a rock on the beach. Let me repeat that, this all powerful mythical being became a rock on the beach. Legend says that if you stepped on the rock it would foretell your death, most likely from sepsis because of a stubbed toe.

More nipples!

The Wonder Twins

The Wonder Twins were a two siblings from the planet Exxor who had the power to change their shape only when touching each other, ensuring a life time of incest and confusion. The girl twin, Janya, could transform into any animal, mythical or real. The male twin, Zan, could transform into..water. Obviously, on planet Exxor, it's the men who take it up the ass. The twins also had the requisite space monkey, Gleek, that could act as a conduit when the two were unable to touch, adding bestiality to every child's Saturday morning roundup.

Oh, God! Too much nipple!

Jared Folgel


Jared was an icon of American over consumption, a fat, gelatinous mass of man meat until he discovered the near magical properties of flavorless deli meats prepared by apathetic college students. Even Jared, with his ability to consume small children in a single bite, could not with stand the bland horror that is the Subway sandwich, and was thus forced to shape shift into a much thinner man, who simply looks like he's supposed to be fat. He now extols the virtues of Subway on national television, hoping that one day they will return flavor to food and his soul.