Komondor Dog

The Komondor is a breed of dog, and a Komondor dog is best described as a mop. It guards livestock and the elements of style. It has sex with lots of bitches. It has a soft rock album coming out in Spring.

A simple comparison between the roles of certain individuals in the animal and human world.

Here we see a Komondor being used to clean up a juice spill. This is one of the original uses for Komondor dogs. The handle can be decorated to suit the owners needs and desires.

Here we see a Komondor melting into the asphalt, a thing it does regularly to escape predators like cars and trucks.

Just The Facts

  1. It is not a fashionista with dreadlocks; it is just wearing noodles.
  2. There's a dog under there. Somewhere.
  3. This breed is a national treasure of Hungary. I hope you're proud of yourself, Hungary.

What It Looks Like

It looks like this:


In the above undoctored photo, we see a Komondor dog in its natural attire. If it wants to, it can make strong rope out of its cords. 'Cords' is another term for the thick things of hair growing out of the Komondor. They are also known as 'The Threads of Olympus' and 'Odin's Nosehairs'.

The name 'Komondor' is a modification of the Hungarian word for 'Hairy Commander'. Because it truly is a commanding officer of its craft. The craft, in this case, being the coat. Lead on, my Komondor.

The History of the Komondor

Back in the 1500's, a secret society of assassins decided to train an assassin dog that would sneak into courts, befriend kings and their children as a lovable stray, and then, during the night, slit every single throat it could get its hidden knives on.

This process was long and arduous. Eventually, the society of assassins decided that the best method of smuggling assassin knives into a well protected court was not through the dog stomach. At this point, real progress began. Research concluded that the best way to smuggle killer blades on a dog was in the fur. The society began to train poodles, but soon realized that they needed something way more bad-ass than a poodle if they wanted to maintain the respect of society at large.

In order to create the ultimate assasin dog breed, various strays were mixed and tested on the field of battle against wild wolverines. After 100 years of this breeding, drawing Punnet squares in the sand, and testing, and after Hungary's wolverine population began to dwindle, a shaggy-haired creature of hate, decisiveness, and bloodlust was spawned.

This was the birth of the Komondor breed. The dawn of a new type of assassin warrior had come.

During the first field test, the first Komondor agent, with five scimitars and seven short blades hidden in its floppy cords, befriended the children of a upper nobleman. After being invited into the heavily guarded compound owner by the nobleman, the agent saw some sheep and started sheep herding due to some innate genes that were correlated with the shagginess genes. It forgot its mission and has been sheep herding ever since.

The 'Assassin Dogs' project was scrapped, funding re-allocated to dolphins.

Obvious Uses

Some obvious uses for a Komondor dog include:

  • Herding things like sheep and goats and other small animals
  • Assassinating kings
  • Not assassinating kings
  • Looking pretty neat
  • Cleaning kitchen floors
  • Cleaning bathroom floors
  • Soaking up spills
  • Cleaning wet messes

Some less obvious uses for a Komondor dog include:

  • Wig
  • Art installation
  • Chia pet
  • 3D Magic-Eye picture

Do not use a Komondor dog for:

  • A windshield (the wind just goes right through)
  • A children's toy (it eats children regularly)
  • Noodle soup (you monster, how could you even consider this)
  • A Pirates of the Caribbean movie (you monster, why would you make another one)


Hey kids! In this section we are going to play a game with a Komondor dog!

Try to find the Komondor dog in this picture of shredded paper! It won't be easy, don't strain your eyes too much kids. Otherwise you'll develop vision problems and your parents will start drinking because they are disappointed in you as a human being.

Did you find the dog? Don't worry if you cannot, six out of ten scientists cannot find the Komondor dog in this picture, and the Komondor has already killed them because the Komondor dog hates scientists.

Always trying to figure it out. To understand what kinds of mysteries it holds. The Komondor doesn't need their kind in this world.