Jack In The Box

Ever wondered if your parents hate you? If you had one of these, they probably did. The Jack in the Box is one of the most recognized traumatizing children's toys.

You're adopted!

Science speaks for itself.

Just The Facts

  1. Jack in the Box is a toy made to scare children into doing your bidding.
  2. The first Jack in the Boxes were made in Ancient Greece, and were forgotten about until the 15th century.
  3. Since then parents around the world have used them to make their children do chores.

Why use them?

Tired of your kids running around and you having to clean up their mess for them? Already been charged for child abuse, and want to make a new start? Here is a certified* foolproof** way to make your children obey your every command. Other options include www.cracked.com/article_17493_13-most-unintentionally-disturbing-childrens-toys.html.

*Certified by Cracked.com.

**Results may vary. May not work if child is suffering from mental retardation.

Since the dawn of time (Ancient Greece to be exact), parents have found this remarkable*** device to be a life changing experience****. Give one to your child, watch the scene roll, and get results****! In a mere couple of days, your child will be running around helping you out, without you working up your muscles and getting charged for Child Abuse!

***Relative. Applies to the Stone AGe.

****Results may be negative.

How does it work?

According to books.google.co.il/books, a box of 25cm depth (may vary relatively) is made, with a string, that when loose, is 30cm long. A puppet (10cm, 0.2kg) is then added and put on the string. The lid of the box is closed, and the spring is compressed. The pressure of the string, when the lid is opened (usually by some lever), is enough to make the puppet spring up, and, if not put together correctly, propell it across the room.

This, the element of surprise when the puppet springs up unexpectedly, is what makes the Jack in the Box work so well in traumatizing kids. We've all experienced the jolt of surprise and fear when the Jack springs up at us, usually after some lulling music is played. Afterwards we are all left with the empty feeling in our stomach, and fear that, no matter what, we are never safe.