Iceland

Iceland. Land of Vikings and violent youth hockey players since 874 AD.

Cheif Exports of Iceland
Cheif Exports of Iceland

Just The Facts

  1. Iceland actually has more green than Greenland. Who the fuck names these places?
  2. Iceland boasts the highest Human Development Index in the world.
  3. Iceland is also proud to announce the 4th highest GDP per capita in the world.
  4. Icelanders are often seen wearing helmets with fake long hair and large horns.
  5. They also carry axes around so they look a bit more badass.

Iceland: A Brief Overview

A brief overview is really all we need for Iceland, because let's face it. There's really nothing all that interesting about Iceland. It was settled by Norsemen. One of them was probably Leif Eriksson or something. Blah blah blah.

For those of us who know anything about anything, we know that Icelanders are good at exactly three things:

  • Being Vikings
  • Taking children's sports far too seriously
  • Producing unnaturally aggressive and large youth hockey players

Unnaturally aggressive and large youth hockey player. Also, Icelanders can't fucking spell.

(The above depicts an unnaturally large and aggressive Icelandic youth hockey player. It also reaffirms that Icelanders don't give a shit about spelling. Unless, of course, they were simply stating that their country is an island. Which it is.)

While the three are suspected to be interrelated, scientific research has yielded incolcusive results, because, according to Dr. Bill Nye the Science Guy, scientists don't "...want to fucking go to goddamn Iceland. Fuck that."

Some people may argue that the national sport of Iceland is handball, which is obviously the opposite of football. These people clearly have no clue what they're talking about. When asked to comment, Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson simply said, "Team USA's going down, that's where you're going." When confronted about his apparent inability to properly structure a sentence, Wolf simply bludgeoned the reporter in the fuckin' pie hole. Firing rifles at one another for sport is also popular in Iceland.

In addition to it's clear obsession with obscure team and ballistic sports, Iceland is holds the world record for "most cities whose names provoke responses of 'God bless you' when pronounced," including such gems as Reykjavik, Hafnarfjorour, and Fjaoabyggo. Iceland's Prime Minister Johanna Siguroardottir (God bless me), when asked about the preposterous city names, said, "Try and say any of those three times fast. BITCH!"

Fucking Commies.

So, is there anything good about Iceland?

Not really. Unless you consider the most powerful waterfall in Europe , pretty sweet glaciers, and a cool satellite image good. Alright, so Iceland's OK. It even might draw a tourist once in a while. Maybe I'm just bitter about that 12-1 drubbing Emilio Estevez took at the hands of the sonofabitch youths of Team Iceland. But hey, 0-1-1 ain't bad, right coach? No, it is bad. Shootout wins are for pussies and Andrew Jackson. And I sure as hell know you're not Andrew Jackson. Pussy.