Edward Norton

Amazingly, Edward Norton is not the most hated racist in America, even despite this glamour shot.

They're touching each other! But they're the same person, haven't they seen Time Cop!?

Just The Facts

  1. Edward Norton's acting style has one of the wildest ranges ever known. This range covers everything from being "shitty" to "mediocre" in comedies and being "fucking awesome" to "EPIC" in dramas.
  2. Edward Norton gained 30 pounds of lean muscle as preparation for his role in "Fight Club". He also put on 3 metric tons of muscle every time his temper flared up in "The Incredible Hulk".

The Cracked Take

One of the greatest and somewhat typecast actors of our time, Edward Norton's performances in films such as American History X and Fight Club earned him a reputation for being superb at acting in roles with multiple personalities. Then, everyone saw "Death to Smoochy" and immediately and unanimously stripped him of any and all status. But, well, life's a bitch ain't it?


"I don't smoke and I don't want to smoke. I am not a fan of gratuitous smoking in films."

-Edward Norton, revealing the one weakness that cannot be exploited by an outside source, unless that person can trick Norton into entering a hot box. However, he is still open to attack from Tyler Derden.

"The more you can create that magic bubble, that suspension of disbelief, for a while, the better."

-Holy. Fucking. Shit. This guy can perform defensive magic spells. I guess all that shit in "The Illusionist" was for real. I smell a role as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in the next Harry Potter movie.

"Nobody makes me uncomfortable here. It's a place where you can be eternally anonymous."

-The reason he loves living in New York City, and frequenting cult meetings.

Demonstrated Abilites Outside of Acting

Basketball - In American History X, Norton challenges the members of a rival black gang to a game of hoops, with the loser forever banned from the coveted run-down court. His nearly single-handed victory is especially remarkable given the fact that up to this point in the film he has never been seen so much as touching a basketball, and he never plays again.

To help stress his ability to the other players, Norton even dunks the ball, despite the lack of experience described above, his 6'1" stature, and what is presumably a 2" inch vertical leap (Because everyone knows that Neo-Nazis can't jump).

Soap Making - No, seriously, he took soap making classes with Brad Pitt during the filming of Fight Club. There's really nothing cool about that, unless Edward and Brad pulled that "burn the shit out of you're the back of your hand with Lye" trick on the other students when the instructor wasn't looking.

Turning into the Hulk - This skill always makes me wonder why it wasn't applied during the prison rape scene in "American History X". Food for thought.