Christ Wire
What happens when you take reasoning out of the religious? Christ Wire.
Just The Facts
- It is unknown whether or not Christ Wire is a stealth parody or serious.
- If the former, it's the most hilarious thing on the Internet (sorry, DOB).
- If the latter, then humanity truly is doomed.
Christ Wire's Mission
"Dear friends, we are living in cruel days. Evil hours. Yes, these are certainly dark times and it's time for the moral majority to once again step forward to bring freedom and liberty to the world.
Our culture was built on the guiding principles of conservatism and Christianity, from which all morality is born. As such American heritage was meant to be passed on from generation to generation, ensuring that our principles�our values�were never compromised.
But alas, the Left Wing Conspiracy and Liberal Agenda is spreading like a plague not only through our fine society, but through lesser cultures as well. Their sinful antics and attempt to pass off their wanton carnal desires into mainstream culture is destroying society and mankind.
That's where we come in. Together, in this community, you and your Moral Leaders will combat the evil liberals of this world and once again ensure that a bit of freedom and righteousness once again permeates every country, and let those who don't abide by our teachings know the eternal pit of hellfire shall be awaiting!
Sincerely,
Jack Gould
Youth Pastor/Motivational Speaker
Langley CC"
If the likening of left-wing politics to a plague, the last sentence, and "Sincerely" didn't scare you enough, take a second look at Jack Gould's occupation: Youth Pastor. This guy teaches kids.
Cracked on Christ Wire
Christ Wire is Cracked.com's biggest rival on the Internet in terms of producing articles that make you laugh and shit your pants in fear at the same time. Christ Wire's ability to point out just about every person who's ever walked on this earth as a heretic is only matched by their ability to make hilarious (gasp) non-list-based articles.
There is only one thing seperating Cracked from Christ Wire (excluding the whole list thing): while everyone laughs with Cracked, everyone laughs at Christ Wire. Which is the same difference between that one actually funny kid in high school and the guy who constantly wore the most ridiculous clothes possible (that is, no clothes at all) to get noticed. That's why Cracked went on to a successful career while Christ Wire ended up in juvi for severeal we--wait, where were we going with this?
To really explain to you just how fucked-up hilarious this site is, all you need to do is look at the titles of some of the feature articles for today (9/9/09):
"Barack Obama forces children to use Facebook, helps Gay Agenda" by Abe
"Do not let your children listen to Barack Obama elementary school speech" by Jack Gould
"Laura Bush killed a dude, get over it Liberals" by Bren Langford
"You want some alone time with our kids? That's just not appropriate, Mr. Obama" by Stephenson Billings
"The United States of Sin (Sinmap of the United States, Collaboration with Kansas State University)" by Abe
"10 cents a child: Facebook tries to keep new human slavery scandal below decks" by Stephonson Billings
"Lindsey Lohan is a lesbian vampire" by Abe
And so many, many, many, many, many more...*sob*
i am currently watching the video for a review of skyrim and it is the funniest thing i've seen all day. i had to pause it because i am laughing too hard to hear the guy.
ReplyOn the site today there was a banner ad for traveling to Palm Spings. It featured a gay male couple in arms pressed up against a palm tree. The ironic part was that this ad appeared next to an artical with a title like "5 reasons for women to wear ankle length skirts". I didnt read the entire article but the first paragraph was a warning that seeing these pornagraphic images may result in health risks and all women and children should vacate the room before viewing.
ReplyI work in online advertising and know that all websites khave the ability to control the types of ads that appear on them. So either yes this is totally a satirical site. Or the other possibility is that they are sincere and like most religious leaders, out for the all mighty dollar, no values required.
On the site today there was a banner ad for traveling to Palm Spings. It featured a gay male couple in arms pressed up against a palm tree. The ironic part was that this ad appeared next to an artical with a title like "5 reasons for women to wear ankle length skirts". I didnt read the entire article but the first paragraph was a warning that seeing these pornagraphic images may result in health risks and all women and children should vacate the room before viewing.
ReplyI work in online advertising and know that all websites khave the ability to control the types of ads that appear on them. So either yes this is totally a satirical site. Or the other possibility is that they are sincere and like most religious leaders, out for the all mighty dollar, no values required.
It's certain I am it's a parody site. Too many "sterotypical" comments for it to be otherwise.
ReplyIt's either a parody, or a stealth-attack on christians.
Did any of your grandparents have slain in the spirit meetings or kids have any ghost sightings or nightmares?
Replyhave u gotten a twinkle in your eyes or baldness skiped a generation???? do u get mad when your kids smoke around u??? did u see scary art or our scared of death??? did u ever read the bible??? did u ever pic up a watchtower or an awake???? i think i can help.... when the bible students later renamed as Jehovahs Witnesses left there lituratre u read it but were to scared of them...yes u experience these things??? ok Rev 12.9... demons are on earth...bible students told the generation of 1914...we explanied this as alhimers but job told us God would erease there minds...all these kids acting out and oversexualized...child soliders in africa???? really??? so as the days of Noah,,,its in the behaviors...our tvs send subliminal messages...so did our pictures in our churches...does anyone have a different view??? we have explained god away as energy and stuck our noses where it didnt belong.... we MURDERED our own creator....and allowed tvs video games and computers to zombify our selfes....and slave for money AM i WRONG HERE?????
You're not wrong, Nicolo, you're just an asshole.
Yes, very very wrong. Try telling my ancestors that escaped the Russian revolution that we are living in the worst time since Noah because we can watch what we want to and things suck in Africa. When have they not? The Garden of Eden...too bad the buybull says its in Iraq. If god is so angry and so powerful why doesent he just get in his delorian juice up the flux capacitor and make eve scared of talking snakes? Arent most women? I guess a hot tub time machine would be more modern, but I bet god likes to keep it retro. Am I wrong?
Sadly they've started making list articles too. And they're scary lists like "20 ways your daughter can become a lesbian"
Replyits fake. i talked to them about "a modest proposal" before. they were totally into it
ReplyIf Christwire is run by atheists and agnostics, then I will congratulate them on their wit and then proceed to put fart bombs at their seats. If the opposite is true, I will have them turned over to the Spanish Inquisition and burned at the steak-er I mean, stake.
ReplyI believe the site is run by a combination of Atheists and non-fundamentalist Christians, who just like it when people take what they say seriously.
Christwire.org is real, kind of like Lady Gaga's talent is real.
Reply(Get it? Lady Gaga isn't actually talented. I CRACK myself up sometimes.)
The site is an obvious parody - It kinda reminds me of that old Land Over Baptist site
ReplyThey're an affiliate of Onion......so they're fake.
The site is an obvious parody - It kinda reminds me of that old Land Over Baptist site
Replyhey, i troll here! those aren't even the best article examples! and they're actually serious... scary, but funny.
Replyhttp://christwire.org/2009/12/custers-revenge-a-great-retro-holiday-video-game-gift-idea/
ReplyYeah, this is a satire.
Absolutely. The site is there for the sole purpose of trolling, however it's the guys behind the site who are trolling everyone else. All you have to do to see where their real agenda lies is to look at the links on the right-hand side of the page to the Axis of Evil. There is no similar list of links to moral Conservative sites. Sometimes those are linked to within the articles but there's a lot of other stuff linked to within the articles that you wouldn't expect if the site was serious. That's part of the joke. Stephenson Billings is particularly good at that.
Unfortunately with popularity and allowing user-submitted material has come a decline in quality to the extent that some articles are now obvious parody rather than dubious, which rather spoils the joke a bit.
Also, people do the one thing that kills these sorts of sites, they talk about it. Rule 1 and rule 2.
Their website mentions nickelback as "Satans Humble Servants". Yeah, that sounds about right. Iam also starting to think they are a satire site set up by CRACKED.
ReplyThat is the only accurate thing on the site.
Actually I can't be sure about this, but I think Christ Wire is just a satire site, like the onion - I mean, nobody can be THAT retarded. I was trying to back this up with a source which brought me here.
Reply