McDonald's
Mcdonald's can be defined as the hell hole of modern America; if you work there, and you are an adult, your parents fucked up somewhere; if you eat there, everybody can tell with a simple glance; but, why else does it suck?
Reason #5: Global Colonization.
Well, if you haven't been living under a rock or emersing yourself into the wild world of 4Chan your entire life, you know one thing, if not two: McDonald's is one of the biggest fast- food chains in the entire fucking world, and if you do know two things, the next thing you most likely know is; the food from McDonald's is cheap enough to feed an entire family (I'm talking 2 adults, 2 kids, and a family mutt) for 10 bucks a day, so it's no surprise local denizens are flocking to this place for their food. This corporation basically materialized the old fashioned American sport of eating lots of fatty foods and getting very pissed off if one of your 3 "on the side" cheeseburgers is missing that token pickle; however, this is not just an American sport, no, not anymore. McDonald's is located in, let's see, over 100 hundred countries world wide, with about fourteen thousand outlets in the glorious United States alone. There is an excellent chance Ronald has at least one hundred outlets within a driving distance from your home; even if you live in Guadeloupe.
Reason #4: Supersized Advertising.
So, imagine this: You are just getting to the age where you can comprehend and remember the images around you, probably somewhere around 2-3 years old, right? You turn on your living room tv set; like a bullet out of the stratosphere, KAPOW! That son of a bitch shows up on your screen, complete with three gorgeous models gourging down on their favorite brand of cholestrol and trans fat, which is none other than the McDonald's Exclusive-Limited-Fucking-Edition-Get-It-While-You-Can-Third-Pounder Angus Burger, complete in three flavors: Deluxe, Mushroom and Swiss, and Bacon and Cheese. McDonald's uses the well known theory of repetition, the same kind of psychology your father used on you at an early age, but, they inject that theory with anabolics and gamma rays; it did, after all, work on you.
Reason #3: The effects of a Super-Sized Diet.
Look in the mirror:
Are you over 20? Check.
Are you in the ideal weight range for your height and age? Check.
Well, congratulations, you are now, officially, able to call yourself a minority.
However, if you don't fit the category to be a minority in this particular demograph, don't feel bad, because most people can't. Now, I know it would be politically incorrect to blame this all on innocent old Ronald and his subordinates, but, fuck it; it is their fault. If it wasn't for Ronald and his cohorts sitting at a seperate outlet for every 10 miles you drive in any direction in the entire civilized world, then maybe the populace of the United States, and, to a lesser degree, the rest of the world, would be able to walk up their stairs without passing out or suffering a stress-induced heart attack.
Reason #2: They hire sex offenders.
Not only do they openly support cockschlobbing males, which they deserve a massive bashing for; they apparently hire pedophiles; and just google "McDonalds Employees Sex Charges"; what the fuck are they thinking? Maybe they just want the balls to be sued off of them; but, that wouldn't matter, considering they have over sixty thousand outlets, with many seperate franchises. They are the business equivalent of a massive web of proxy-chains; you can sue the franchise owner, but, the fun stops there. We could only hope that the aforementioned sex offenders were not able to get ahold of one of those coveted Ronald costumes. Tell me again why this company is able to exist?
Reason #1: They teach children to manipulate their parents.
They lure children like a rapist with candy; if you want to insert a better metaphor from your imagination, feel free, but, let's get to the point. You have Happy Meals, all blinged out with smiley faces, and creative games from the latest hit animated Pixar film, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Ronald McDonald knows that kids love toys more than life itself, and after they become accustomed to getting that nice toy with their McDonald's meals, they will be begging for their toy every single time they get a wiff of cholestrol, or a glance at the Golden Arches. Now, you know where this is going; kid gets accustomed to his/her daily Happy Meal, but, what he really looks forward to is that Toy object that drives parents to get that Neanderthalish urge to beat the hell out of Ronald with a goddamn 2x4 , alas this guy. At this point, any parent that is as good at bullshitting as Ronald himself will tell their kid "Listen, this shit is actually getting out of control; I mean, all the fat and all, especially from the french fries. We're gonna have to call this whole McDonald's thing quits for a while." To get the reply "Listen, father/mother, I completely respect your decision as a parent to care for my body and mind, and to keep me from eventually getting hypertension, or worse, a fat ass; however, I must point out that we have the option of alternating from fries to apple dippers, a much healthier alternative." Hmmm, did I mention that in the great state of Illinois, you have the option of a limited edition Happy Meal toy?
McDonald's Corp:1 Parent: -10 Child: Over 9,000.
I was going to write a long outraged response to the first line in #2, but I'm proud to see the community has that covered. I will however add this, how f*****g dare you place homosexuals and pedophiles in the same category? What the f**k is wrong with you? And you say Adult McDonalds worker parents raised them wrong (speaking of which, maybe you just have someone who is, you know down their luck, working their way through college?) but your parents apparently did not teach you enough about tolerance.
ReplyWHAT THE FUCK?
Replyreason 5-3"....haha ok thats funny"
reason 2".....wait what....WTF?????!"
reason 1 "still pissed about 2"
cracked, take this down or edit reason #2.
Replyi'm all for hating on mcdonald's but homophobia has no place here.
Wow. It was pretty funny until Reason #2, first few lines. Then, all laughter stopped pretty permanently. I would point out the simply frightening nature of those cute little comments, but you don't seem like the type to respond to logic, reason, or human compassion.
ReplyOh, sorry. My memory failed me. It was actually only the first line of reason two that was quite appalling. I apologize for my mistake.
exactly.
So people with different sexualities than yours shouldn't be able to find employment? Supporting gays is deserving of being "bashed"? Even in the case of pedophiles, it's not a crime until they act on it, and it's when bigots like you refuse to let wrongdoers who have paid their debt to society find decent homes or jobs that these problems become cyclical.
ReplyAlso, apparently personal responsibility doesn't exist where you live. People make their own decisions, they aren't sheeple who just do as the big, evil corporations tell them. Lighten the f**k up dude, McDonald's employs millions and has even more satisfied customers; it could be a whole lot worse.
Yes, being a pedophile is not a crime intil someone acts on it, but still, maybe Mc Donalds isn't the best place for someone attracted to children to be working. Maybe an office job?
Man, that got preachy faster than South Park.
Reply