Bars And Nightclubs

As a species we love to booze. Going out is often the way we chose to do our boozing outside of the drink to unwind at home. Going out costs a lot but is often fun, here are two of the common places we pay to booze.

Shots are often the quickest means of reaching optimum levels of non-sobriety.

Nightclubs, modern day mating grounds.

Drinking after work, a constant in life for millenia.

Just The Facts

  1. Pretty much since the dawn of time, people have had reasons to drink, most of these reasons remain the same today.
  2. In these complex modern times, going out on the town is a way to enjoy the weekend, escape boredom and gives people something interesting to update their Facebook profile.
  3. Like pretty much every other species, humans are usually on the lookout for mating partners. For some reason, many of us assume we assume we'll find them in nightclubs.
  4. Binge drinking is fun!

Party Till You Puke

Drinking, for the expressed purpose of inebreation versus to simply mainting living, has been a part of our lives throughout the course of human events. In fact, dried residues on 9,000-year-old pottery found in China imply that alcoholic beverages were used even among Neolithic people. After our ancestral Geico mascots mastered fire and stopped hunting and gathering for the luxurious comforts afforded by agriculture and domesticating animals people developed and/or stumbled upon techniques like fermentation and distillation to create the great sauce. So somewhere around Pre-Civilzation people started getting fucked up and going out consisted of probably passing some fermented berry concoction around the cave, flash forward throughout history and we have the Code of Hamurabi having regulations on beer and their providers, we encounter entire Greek and Roman religous cults devoted to the God of Wine, monks in France discovering Champagne while trying to make wine quicker, Boston Tea Parties, modern Beer Pong Tournaments and everything in between. A similarity thourghout that history is that for one reason or another people have always wanted to go out and get crunk to escape the horrors or mundane passing of or just to escape reality for a minute and drown some sorrows away with some friends.

Hitting The Neighborhood Watering Hole

Happy Hour. Two of the greatest words in the English Language. They refer to a time (often even longer than an hour) where a bar will offer cheaper prices than they normally do for booze and/or food. This gives us drinkers even more of a reason to hit the bar than simply escaping the soul crushing reality of day to day life. Bars are where we go to drink when we reach drinking age (or obtain a fake ID) and throwing house parties is too much of a hassle. Why not dip into the bar for a drink? Whatever the reason may be; a beer with colleagues after work, catching the game with other fans, a casual date, drowning sorrows away, hitting the bar is often the simplest way to get sauced. Many states have closing times and it's always cheaper to purchase the alcohol and mixers on your own but the facility of getting sauced at a bar is pretty high on the totem pole. Bars tend to have a plethora of booze and beers on tap to accomadate a group of drinkers with different tastes. Bartenders also are supposed to be knowledgable about alcohol and mixology and thus can make a wide array of drinks easily. So when you're out on a date and feel like a fuzzy navel and your date drinks quadruple vodkas most bars should be able to take care of you. You may want to reevaluate your dating life if this is the case but then again I'm not one to judge. Often repeat buisness results in the staff knowing you and thus facilitating your drinking even more by knowing what you enjoy to drink and sometimes providing you with discounts or rounds on the house. Depending on your level of drinking and behavior when drinking, repeat behavior may not be appreciated or wlecome at all. Thankfully outside the state of Utah bars are pretty much found everywhere there are people. So as a drinker you can always reserve the right to sit up and exclaim, "I've been kicked out of better shit holes than this" as you throw the bird at the barkeep and stumble your way out the door. Do bear in mind that police, joy kills that they are,often hang around outside of bars especially after last calls to try and catch such people in the act of driving. In summation, outside of drinking at your house bars are the simplest way to drink. Also try and do so during happy hour for your wallet's sake, a round of shots especially top shelf or with red bull will often cost you more than it would to purchase the bottle and fix yourself several rounds. But at least you'll be at a public location, everyone knows drinking by yourself is lame.

Party In Da Club

As popularized by rap music going to the club is basically a planned outing at a place of buisness who's job it is to create a party every night. Especially if when you go to a party you dress up, wait in long lines, pay exorbitant prices for not only drinking but also often just to get in, listen to music at sound levels that would make Humpback whales cringe away, and essentially act like someone you're not around a bunch of other people acting fake for the night. Outside of the fake acting, disregard all the other club stipulations if you happen to be a celebrity or wealthy because you pretty much get to do whatever you want when that is the case. Unfortunatly for most of us that is not the case and outside the club going regulars most of us drinkers find ourselves at clubs as a means of celebration. Someone's bday, people in town, holiday, Paris Hilton ringing in Martin Luther King Day at the Palms, whatever your stupid reason may be, regardless of fun had you usually end up regretting going to the club for paying too much money for drinks, hooking up with someone you otherwise would never want to, or simply acting like

this guy. Allow me to reiterate my previous statement. Going to a club, as a male, you or someone in your group will end up spending a lot of money on even the smallest amount of drinks. Mind you this is after paying a cover charge and maybe even tipping to get out in front of the bullshit line. If a round of shots at the bar often costs more than the whole bottle the price of drinking at the bar is even greater. Imagine paying the equivalent of a six or twelve pack for a single beer. Many clubs even make you pay a lot more for the royal courtesy of sitting at a table. In major cities, the only ones with clubs worth going to, this table can cost in upwards of thousands of dollars. Not just that, but they also often make you buy a minimum number of bottles for them graciously allowing you to sit at their tables. If you think this means that the price will be cheaper you couldn't have your head farther up your ass. Clubs often charge several times the actual price of the bottle for the service of having them bring it to you at your table. This becomes the equivalent of paying the sale price of the bottle for every drink or two you take from it. Preposterous? Indeed. So it's a party and you think, "screw it, I'll hit the club for so and so's birthday, get my drink and my dance on, and maybe meet someone nice." Once again the universe is against you pretty much in this department as well. People at clubs are most often either extremely fake, or acting that way because they are at a club. So you've been drinking all night and on the dance floor grinding against some young lass to the latest Pitbull song and you think I'm going to get her number and hang out with her again. Probably not, in the chance you weren't given a fake number you probably aren't going to want to hang out with this person in a normal setting. Unless of course you're both club rats in which case you may be perfect for each other. You also probably aren't reading this article if that is the case so if you are hey fuck you, go club it up and drink some jager bombs bro! Keep in mind to disregard this entire paragaph if you or the people you plan on attending the club with are wealthy. When you throw money at the situation the club goes out of its way to make sure you have everything you want and get away with pretty much everything. At this point read the part about fake people again and apply it to your everyday life. But then again you or your entourage is freaking loaded so it's all good.

Some good drinking quotes

"Work is the curse of the drinking class" Oscar Wilde

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems" Homer Simpson

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her for it" WC Fields

"I feel bad for people who don't drink, when they wake up in the morning its the best their going to feel all day" Frank Sinatra