Avatar

The king of the world is back in business! After directing the highest-grossing, most Oscar winning film in history, James Cameron returns to the film industry 12 years later with a film he thinks will change the world. It makes use of all new CGI-technology, including new 3D cameras, meaning that Cameron can basically create an entire animated world and then use cameras to film from specific angles in the fake environment. For us, Avatar probably won't change anything other than our pants, which will become shitstained after watching it. Seriously, look at this screenshot from Avatar and try not to violently defecate in your pants.

This is a screenshot from... oh, hang on.. AUGGGHHHHJOHNSON-HEIMER... erm... screenshot from Avatar...

We're not sure if its whether the movie looks really good or really cheesy-bad, but there is something about the hype and mystique surrounding Avatar that just can't keep our pants clean. Maybe its the fact that the director of Aliens and Terminator 2 is returning to the sci-fi genre that keeps us interested. Maybe its the gentle, passionate furry love story guns, guns, war, explosions and guns (manly guns) that makes us feel warm and fuzzy manly and powerful.

[Note: At this point, original CRACKED contributor was fired because all of his jokes were about poop and furries. CRACKED hired a new contributor, to finish the topic page on Avatar with a higher level of sophistication. We apologize for the immature first section.]

Ahem.

Avatar tells the story of a Marine, Jake Sully, who was confined to a wheelchair after being injured in combat. He enlists in the new Avatar program, which seeks to combine humans with Na'vi, mystical fox-like creatures that live on Pandora, a newly discovered planet. Then somehow an epic war starts that decides the fate of the world. Just like every other blockbuster ever released. Avatar has been promoted as "the single most complex piece of filmmaking ever made", "beyond the cutting edge", "the film event of its release day".

Critics responded strongly to Avatar, and it currently stands in the 90 range on Rotten Tomatoes. The consensus seems to be that although Avatar's story and characters aren't original, the breathtaking special effects make the plot seem refreshed. In particular, critics can't seem to get enough of how color is used on the island of Pandora, offering insights such as "Dude, the colors are like... woooooahh, man" and "Oh man, bro I just might shit my p-". However, criticisms arose concerning the General Quatrich character. The biggest complaints were "I hope he doesn't hurt me" and "Why can't I be as manly as that guy".

Apparently, audiences bought into the CGI's realism for over 7 weeks in a row, making Avatar the biggest movie of all time, unadjusted for inflation. It stands at $2,100,000,000 worldwide, which means it made nearly double what Return of the KinG made. Shit. It was nominated for 9 Oscars, including Most Unnecessary Weapon (Mech Knife), Best Integration of Fucking Into Storyline (The Na'vi's ponytails/penises) and Best Pandora (Pandora).

Due to the somewhat unorthodox appearance of the creatures, the Na'vi, in Avatar, many have compared to the creatures featured in an extremely low budget animated film called Delgo. We here at Cracked aren't to judge, but...

It's hard not to notice some similarities.