Warhammer is a table top fantasy game made by Games workshop. It involves armies marching around a table and randomly Stabbing each other.

This is the rule book. Its over 300 pages!!

Just The Facts

  1. The are 15 or 16 armies to choose from in warhammer
  2. The games 26 years old as of April 26th 2009
  3. It fucking damn expensive!!!

Cracked on Warhammer

Warhammer, or Warhammer fantasy battles or WFB or as you may know it that shit games workshop makes to make million of dollar was created for a promotional avaliable mail order in 1983. so far it's had 7 different editions, Yay!!! Now being a complety non-biased writed I am going to add one personal comment to this article: Play warhammer ITS AWSOME.

Warhammer consists as previously said of 15 playable armies. They are Beasts of Choas, Brettonia, deamons of Choas, Dark elf, Dwarfs, The Empire, High Elves, Lizardmen, Ogre kingdoms, Skaven, Tomb kings, Vampire Counts, Warriors of Choas and Wood elves. Along with these armies models that look so much cooler then those lame D&D models you also get a book with each army these books are about 100 pages each with roughly 10 pages explaining how to use the army and about 90 pages of boring background shit.

Playing the Game.

The game revolves around 4 main phases. They are known as taking a stroll in the park, rolling dice, stone skipping and stabbing movement, magic, shooting and combat.

these phases are determined by rolling dice and character profiles. As the game has developed Profiles for mdifferent troop types have changed, lets look at a dwarf warrior from edition one and edition 7.

First: M WS BS S T W I A LD Seventh: M WS BS S T W I A LD

3.5 7 4 2 C 2 3 2 N/A 3 4 3 4 4 1 2 1 9

Now of course this doesn't mean a fucking thing unless you know what it means. M is for Movement, WS is weapon skill, BS is Balistic skill, S is Strengh, T is toughness, W is wounds, I in Initiative or intelligence, A is attacks and LD is leadership. As you can see the dwarf warrior has been downgraded considerably over 25 years he now moves less, isn't is good with a weapon or a balistic...(wait wha?) how ever he is a lot stronger and his toughness which was C now infact has a number. He has less wounds (yay?) and has been dumbed down via initiative. he has also lost an attack. Of course who cares lets look at the parts of the game now.


This is really fun!!! you use a tape measure and push models around the table, thats kinda it....


This is the most pointless part of the game where mages roll dice to cast spells. Not a lot ever happen as the opponent can simply try to dispell your magic, the problem is he has to roll dice higher then you to do so and the more mages he has the more dice he gets. RULE: bring a shitload of mages.


I think this fphase is rather self explanitory but for those who don't understand heres a picture

the shooting phase..., lolcat style

Shooting lol cat style.


Yay combat! the fun part where you get to stab your kill stuff by rolling dice and make your enemies run away and them stab them more for running away!!! again its rather self explanitory.


many people think warhammer is played by a bunch of nerds. Heres our response

person playing warhammer

and on a more serious note

Do they look like nerds to you? yes? me too. Warhammer has its own magazine called 'White Dwarf" heres a quote from one issue Fil eats enough for ten men andhis super-sized lunches are the stuff of legend in the 'Eavy metal team. his current sugary food consumptions is 24 doughnuts in a single day....Uh what does this have to do with Warhammer you may ask? No one has a clue but most of the magizine is written like that, who wouldn't want to play?