Milk

Milk is currently the best drink in the world, anyone who says they don't like is just a dirty, lying, whore. Also, on a more awesome note, milk comes from breasts.

Oreos + milk = fucking awesome: scientific fact

Just The Facts

  1. Milk is the best drink ever.
  2. Milk goes great with everything, especially cookies.
  3. If your lactose intolerant, then God just doesn't like you.
  4. Milk moustaches are the second best part of drinking milk. (the best part being the taste)
  5. Almost every mammal depends on milk as an infant.
  6. Milkmen (guys who deliver milk) have the most awesome job in the world.
  7. Pretty much everything that has to do with milk is awesome, except Harvey Milk (sorry gays).
  8. I know I have way too many facts.
  9. You gotta problem with that?

Why Milk is Awesome

Milk being the awesome drink that it is, has been around for thousands of years, and has been used to feed people in pretty much every civilization ever. This includes such awesome war nations as the Romans, Spartans, British, and even the Huns. It is my theory that these armies were awesome because they drank milk, not the other way around. Milk was so useful for them becasue unlike shitty things like water or wine, milk was convenietly astored in almost every animal they came across.

Milk mainly comes from a not so awesome animal, the cow. Fortunately for us Milk comes also comes from awesome things like goats, horses, camels, and most awesomely boobs. Now I'd like to thank god personally for this one because this is definitely his best combination of any of his creations: the best drink ever, mixed with the best body part ever. Sadly though the only time when milk is really available from breasts was when we were around a a few days old to a about 2 years old. Those were the good days.

Lastly there's the milk moustache. This phenomenon occurs when the milk touches your upper lip. Although what happens next still hasn't been totally deciphered by scientists, it is believed that milk is so awesome it sticks to your upper lip using a combination of magic, explosions, and the power of rock. Although this is only a theory that has yet to be proven.

Types of milk

Whole milk: The best kind of milk. This the best tasting, but also the most fattening. It is also proof that God exists. It's awesomeness level is equivelant to Billy Mays or Stephen Colbert.

2 Percent: This doesn't taste as good as whole milk, but it's a little less fattening. It's awesomeness level is equivelant to Jerry Seinfeld, good but you could do much better.

1 Percent: Eh, it's ok. Awesomeness level: everyday person.

Skim Milk: HORRIBLE. The least fattening and worst tasting, not worth the money you pay. Awesomeness level: Shamwow.

Chocolate Milk: The second best kind of milk. It taste's delicious and is the best milk to accompany breakfest, but the chocolate milk moustache looks like a piece of shit smudged across your face.

Famous Milk

Got Milk

In any milk lovers opinion, Got Milk? is the best question ever. The best parts being that every commercial just looks awesome, has at least one awesome person in it, and they're about milk.

Harvey Milk

I don't actually care much for Harvey Milk, but if you really want to know then he was a gay activist or something like that. Not so awesome.

Things That Go Great With Milk

Cookies: NOTHING is better than milk and cookies, NOTHING. Not videogames, not robots, not the goddamned Thundercats.

Cereal: Although some cereals should be eaten dry, cereals like Froot Loops, Bran Flakes, and Frosted taste like shit (the opposite of milk) when eaten dry.

Bacon: To be specific, this tastes great with chocolate milk. Although no one is really sure whether the bacon improves the chocolate milk or if the chocolate milk improves the bacon. (Obviously it's the chocolate milk)

Everything Else: Everything else.