Don Cheadle

The poor man's Denzel Washington but don't tell him that.

Just The Facts

  1. Considered to be blessed with a superhuman power; invisibility at night.
  2. Wealthier than 99% of all people of african descent.
  3. His girlfriend is better looking than yours.
  4. Don Cheadle will fuck you up, his blackness is not to be questioned. Ask Terrence Howard.

Don Cheadle

Don Cheadle first started acting circa 1984, acting in such critically acclaimed roles such as "Token Black Guy", "Background Black Person", "Angry Black Guy" and "Funny Black Sidekick". He was paired up early in his career with actors such as Sean Penn, Robert Duvall, Bill Cosby and Eddie Griffin. He hit a personal career high in 1993 when Don met Sinbad on the set of "The Meteor Man". Reportadly in an interview with TMZ he said he was "really excited to meet the legendary sailor. I really want to ask him about his adventures...". It is unknown if he was informed before meeting Sinbad that he would actually be co-starring with Sinbad the stand-up comedian.

Most definitely not gay.

Concurrently he was extremely busy starring in numerous television shows, in such classics as "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper", "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". His television work colmenated when he was offered a co-starring role in the sitcom "The Golden Palace", a spin-off and continuation of the sitcom "The Golden Girls". Originally cast as "Funny black Handyman", he was "upgraded" and was eventually credited as "Hotel Manager" after Don and Betty White got into an arm wrestling match, ending only after Don narrowly won the match. Eyewitnesses say Betty White demanded a rematch but Don pointed out that the pre-match agreement was for one match and not best out of three. The show only ran for one season, it is unknown if the two events were related.

This show was very real.

In 1995 Don was cast in the film "Devil in a Blue Dress" were he would meet his lifelong nemesis, Denzel Motherfucking Washington as he was known back then. After Denzel mistakenly called Don "Porch Monkey", it started in all out war in which only the most commercially and critically acclaimed black actor would be left standing. The insult propelled Don to give it his all, earning him 5 award nominations and two wins for his role in "Devil in a Blue Dress" while Denzel garnered non. That year at the NAACP awards Don publicly announced he would beat Gene Simmons world record in fornacation in an effort to best Denzel once again.

During this period of intense fornacation Don was hospitalized twice for insufficent bodily fluids. He was in such a zombified state that he agreed to star in "Volcano". After the release of "Volcano" Don realized he had gone to far and promised noone in particular that he would nut up literally and hold his libido in check, "for the betterment of mankind" he said. While filming "Rosewood" in 1997 he meet a spunky young woman by the name of Bridgid Coulter who knew just what buttons to push. His penis. It was LAFF, Love After First Fuck Fornacation and it was later said that the couple was the inspiration for the Ludacris song "Whats your Fantasy".

Yes, admit it. Don's sexual conquests best yours.

After the release of "Rosewood", Don was cast in a series of critically acclaimed films which earned him various accolades. The Don Cheadle golden age of film as it was known from late 1997 and lasting until the beginning of the new millenium. But alas Don had a few setbacks beginning in 2000 by starring in multi Razzie nominated films such as "Mission to Mars", "The United States of Leland" and critically panned films such as "Swordfish" and "The Family Man".

Unexpectedly Don starred in his biggest hit yet in late 2001 when he co-starred with George Clooney and Brad Pitt in "Oceans Eleven". The trilogy which concluded in 2007 grossed over 1 billion dollars world-wide, allowing Don to gain exposure in such countries as Darfur, Sudan and Rwanda. In early 2004 Don was approached by the Republic of Rwanda to star in a comedic film centered around a hotel manager. The film described as a "situational social comedy" failed to grab Don's attention as he did not want to be type-cast as a hotel manager, as he had already played to role in various films. Only after convincing the director to change film into a black comedy did Don agree to star in the film. To say the least the government of Rwanda was not pleased. Encouraged by his sucess Don starred in another comedy the following year. This time starring in an ensemble multi-racial comedy about everyday life in Los Angeles.

Comedy gold!

Now as we fast-forward into present day, Don has starred in a few more commercially successful films such as "Hotel for Dogs" and "Iron Man 2". Don's future looks bright as in the next few years will see the release of "The Guard", sequel to the Kevin Costner film "The Bodyguard", "The Avengers" and it's sequel "Iron Man 3". As a reminder this humble writer reminds you that Don has the supernatural ability of invisibility at night, don't question his blackness.

Can you find Don Cheadle? Hint: He's in the lower left corner.