Madeleine L'Engle

Madeleine L'Engle was the writer of "A Wrinkle In Time" and its sequels, each of which had a little bit less surreal a title as her drug use tapered off, culminating in "An Acceptable Time."

Just The Facts

  1. L'Engle underwent gene therapy to slowly be transformed into a small bird, as represented dramatically above
  2. She retreated into writing because her teachers considered her clumsy and stupid, much like the author of The Holy Bible: Thomas Jefferson
  3. On a related note, her books were banned from many Christian bookstores because she believed in universal salvation (as opposed to only certain people going to Heaven). Madeleine L'Engle died at a higher state of enlightenment than God himself.
  4. Seriously, how can we top that last fact? How can ANYONE top that?

Madeleine L'Engle: Boring

If you cared enough to research her, you'd find that L'Engle had a really boring life. Still, you'd know that one or two things stated below are actually true.

Her parents sent her to a bunch of boarding schools; they all said "Sorry, she seems to still be clumsy and stupid. Maybe she could succeed as an ogre in a Disney film?" She retreated into her imagination, like unpopular losers throughout time.

L'Engle was aided in her desire to escape her super-boring and lame life by the psychedelic mushrooms growing in the area of one of her boarding schools.

co-authors of Madeleine L'Engle's finest works

She became a hardcore shroomer and once became so vividly convinced that she was a bird that she insisted on being treated like one for the rest of her life. She used the money from her books to fund scientific studies which eventually allowed her to be genetically mutated into a bird, as you've surely noticed in the above pictures.

Her drug use led to the writing of many crazy books for kids, many of which defied current concepts of time and space. Her book "A Wrinkle In Time" marks the beginning of her journeys beyond reality. The book she wrote before that was called "Meet The Austins," so you know something happened in that period.

Here is a short bibliography, reflecting her psychedelic journey to the other side and back: (p.s. we assure you, these really are books she wrote!)

1962 A Wrinkle In Time

1965 The Arm Of The Starfish

1968 The Young Unicorns

1969 Dance In The Desert

1971 The Other Side Of The Sun

Let's pause here and mention that her massive drug intake meant that she wrote "The Other Side Of The Sun" two years before Pink Floyd's massive drug intake resulted in the Dark Side Of The Moon album. Did she inspire that album? For the sake of making this seem worth writing, our answer is a resounding absolutely. But now we'll continue our bibliography.....

1972 A Circle of Quiet

1980 The Anti-Muffins

1980 A Ring Of Endless Light

After her crowning achievement, a book called "The Anti-Muffins," L'Engle finally admitted to herself (in a short birdlike melodic sound like weeeeeeeeuhuhtwoooooooooo) that mushrooms couldn't possibly take her any further from reality. After "A Ring Of Endless Light," she began coming out with boring old-people books like "Anytime Prayers" and "Mothers & Daughters."

By this point, L'Engle was fully transformed into the beautiful bird she'd always dreamed of being; her plumage and melodic whistles were renowned throughout the countryside. She found out that somehow, during her decades of drug use, she'd married a man named Hugh Franklin; amazingly, she'd also given birth to a son who she named Bion. Again, this period was a blur to her; at least she had an awesome excuse for naming her son Bion, right?

Charles Wadsworth Camp: Way more exiting than the young Madeleine

Her dad was an alcoholic who claimed his health issues were actually from mustard gas inhaled during the war. The family moved a lot, trying to find a school to make Madeleine unretarded and also provide pure air for Camp's ailing body. When Camp died of "living it up," Madeleine arrived home too late from eating a handful of psilocybin mushrooms and was left staring at his corpse for hours before she realized it was her father's dead body, and not a gigantic angry toad as she first supposed.