The National Guard

What is not quite a real soldier but a little more than a boy scout? You guessed it, a National Guardsman.

The U.S Army is open to many lifestyle preferences

Just The Facts

  1. Its going to suck
  2. Its really really going to suck, like you honestly have no fucking idea how much suck the military is going to put you through.
  3. After going through it, everything else in your life will start to suck a lot less.

What to expect as a Guardsmen

Are you a disgusting fatbody? Are you unemployed? Do woman find the idea of having intercourse with you the equivalent of being trapped in some SAW like torture device? Then boy have I got an opportunity for you! Get all the benefits of being a soldier, while still being able to live the life of a lazy civilian!!! You will come back fit, have something nice to add to your formerly non-existent resume, and will suddenly become popular with the opposite sex! All for the low low fee of your basic constitutional freedoms.

In the national Guard you may or may not receive the benefits you were promised when you signed a contract stating "I so-and-so hereby volunteer to become government property for the NEXT EIGHT FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE." But who cares, your a soldier, and that by definition makes you a straight up badass. It also gurantees you one free meal at applebees once a year on veterans day.

The Honest to goodness truth.

The Military is what you make of it. There are two kinds of people in the military, soldiers and shit bags. It's your choice to determine which one you will be. For some it will be the greatest choice you ever make in your life. You will meet lifelong friends and will be part of a fraternity that includes captains of industry, theoretical physicists, and almost every U.S president. For the shit bags, it will be a horrible experience leaving you the same worthless human being you started as. The choce is yours.