Three's Company

The year was 1976 and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts were going nowhere. Rather than turn to prostitution for extra cash Jett enlisted the help of two friends to collaborate with her on a tv sit-com. The resulting disaster was called "Three's Company".

Susan Somers, Joan Jett, John Ritter

Just The Facts

  1. Three's Company inexplicably ran for 9 years from 1976 to 1984 and was a ratings monster for ABC.
  2. Like most successful American television programming it was a remake of a British sitcom - "Man About the House".
  3. The character of Jack Tripper became so popular that to this day landlords still prefer to rent their apartments to gay men.
  4. Two additional sit-coms were spun-off from Three's Company - "The Ropers" and "Three's a Crowd" which collectively ran for 8 and a half minutes.
  5. Joan Jett was chosen as one of People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful People in the World, in May 2007. Not funny - just fucking unbelievable.

The Story

The morning after a party at their apartment Janet and Chrissy find a drunk (Jack) sleeping one off in their bathtub. Instead of tazering him and uploading the video to youtube they went the more unconventional route and asked him to move in and share living expenses. Unfortunately their landlord, Stanley Roper (Norman Fell), believing that a female-female-male dynamic in the apartment could only result in a daily menage a trois, forbade Janet and Chrissy from taking Jack as their male lover.... uh roommate. In a shocking turn of events the two women eventually lied to Mr Roper in order to get their way. This is commonly believed to be the one and only time a woman has lied to a man about anything - EVER.

The substance of the lie was that Jack was a homosexual and therefore Ropers' concerns about sexual escapades between the three roommates were unfounded. He then agreed to let Jack stay - but only because he was a tinkerbell.

This is the universal symbol for gay in 1976.

Hilarity ensued for the next nine years as Jack tried to keep his heterosexuality secret from landlords Roper and later Ralph Furley (Don Knots).

We're not kidding. That was the entire show for nine-fucking-years.

The Cast of Characters

Janet Reno (Joan Jett) - Janet's character worked in a flower shop called the Arcade Flower Shop. She was to be the intelligent, fiesty brunette alternative to Chrissy's blond hotness. Initially Jett anticipated that her character Janet would be the female lead of Three's Company, but when ABC execs saw Susan Somers floppy bra-less titties they quickly realized they had sit-com gold on their hands and made Somers the focus of most early episodes. Jett was said to be so infuriated by the rejection of her character that she later turned gay.

This.....

70's pseudo hot.

Became this....

See?

90's oh so gay.

After 5 torturous years in Somers' shadow the sun finally shone on the dogs ass that was Joan Jett when, in 1981, Somers was written off the show for being a greedy bitch and Jett's band "The Blackhearts" struck musical gold with a rocked out remake of the The Arrow's tune "I love Rock 'n' Roll". The song hit #1 on billboard in 1982. To this day if Joan Jett passes Susan Somers in the street - she kicks her in the box.

Chrissy "Christmas" Snow (Susan Somers) - Chrissy's character was a temp in a typing pool. Due to her upbringing in a religious family (her father was a minister) the character was to be portrayed as innocent and naive. In reality her character simply came off as a tease.

Tease. (Oh and nice socks Ritter)

Tease

Tight tops and short shorts made Chrissy Snow tolerable for American viewers for 89 episodes but her character was written off the show after a bitter salary dispute between Somers and the network.

To most being dismissed from the most successfuly television show in the country would be a major career setback, but Somers proved more resiliant than a case of genital warts and made it back on top landing the coveted role of informercial sales whore for the ThighMaster. The power kegel was never more popular... and for good reason.

Jack Tripper (John Ritter) - Jack's character was a chef, was clumsy and clearly retarded because he could not seem to remember that there was a step down in the middle of the apartment which he fell over every fucking episode.

John Ritter

John Ritter (aka Jack Tripper)

Schooled at the prestigious Juliard school of acting where he majored in Couch Tripping with a minor in Banging Heads off Doors, Ritter brought credibility to an admittedly weak cast. As the only accomplished actor to star in Three's Company Ritter showed his clout before the filming even began when he demanded that a rider be added to his contract wherein producers would kidnap a hobo and deliver him naked to Ritter prior to each taping.

As Three's Company evolved Jack became the series most popular character and a breathless American audience would tune in each week to see if Jack would finally lose an eye/finger/spleen due to his frequent pratfalls OR bone Chrissy. Regrettably neither happened - and nine short years later the sit-com was cancelled.

Post Three's Company, Ritter enjoyed a successful movie and television career which included many memorable roles including an Oscar worthy performance as Kincaid in Don Mancini's romantic comedy ''Child's Play 4 - The Bride of Chucky'.

He was totally robbed of an Oscar.

Larry Dallas (Richard Kline) - Dallas' character was a used car salesman who lived in the apartment upstairs from Jack, Chrissy and Janet. His much loved character warmed hearts world-wide with his ever creative attempts to trick women into having sex with him.

Richard Kline( aka Larry Dallas)

There is no truth to rumors that Kline was not actually paid for his contribution to Three's Company. Sources confirm that he was compensated appropriately receiving exactly eleven dollars and an afro comb for each appearance.