Tom Brady

Tom Brady plays football and is a good quarterbacker. The team he plays for is the New England Patriots. Sports bios get boring after a while so we'll try to keep this shit brief and to the point, no bacon.

Look at this fine piece of man meat.

Just The Facts

  1. Tom Brady is the starting Quarterback for the New England Patriots.
  2. He has won three Super Bowls and lost one.
  3. He was named to People Magazine's list of 50 most beautiful people in 2002. He was banned from the list afterwards in order to let others have a chance.
  4. Tom only dates hot actresses and supermodels.
  5. He will only impregnate hot actresses and supermodels.
  6. Millions of women want to be with Tom and have his baby. Refer to facts 4 and 5 if you are one of them.

Tom Brady birth to pre-NFL.

Thomas Edward Brady Jr. was born into the Brady Bunch on August 3, 1977 in sunny California. It was one of the grooviest days in modern history. Tom Brady grew up idolizing All-Pro QB Joe Montana of the 49ers. Tom's parents took their little dude to watch the 49ers play at Candlestick park. Tom idolized Montana for his average Joe personality and amazingly well managed hair. Also Tom liked the fact that Joe was a great NFL quarterback, which one day he hoped to become. So did his parents. Ka-Ching!

Tom Brady wasn't the fastest, strongest, or most co-ordinated person early on at Junipero High School in Califonia. In other words he was a white boy. What he lacked in talent he made up for in desire and strikingly good looks. Brady ended up working hard into developing himself into a star quarterback. All the girls swooned when he took the field. He was just too damn cute for his own good.

Brady also excelled at baseball.He was picked in the 18th round by the Montreal Expos in 1995 as a catcher. Tom was quite the catch, no doubt. When Tom Brady spurned the Expos to play football, the Expos never recovered. The Expos eventually moved to Washington. The team also changed their name and looks to help deal with the pain and heartache of Tom's unrequited love.

Brady then attended the University of Michigan to play football. He sat on the bench the first two years of college because he wasn't as good as he thought he was. Brian Griese (son of Hall of Fame QB Bob) was the starting QB at he time. Actually good ol' Tommy was listed seventh on the Wolverines depth chart. That put him one spot above waterboy and kick off tee retriever. Brady hired a sports pyschologist to help him deal with the pain and frustration of sitting on the bench. He even considered transferring to the University of California. Mainly because they had hotter cheerleaders to gawk at from the bench. Tom basically became a whiny bitch and pouted while he sat on the bench. Brady's looks couldn't get him everything... or could they?

Tom adjusted his attitude in order to better himself as a player. He worked his (soon to be) nicely toned ass off to become a better football player. Brady beat out the highly touted Drew Henson for the starting QB job at Michigan in '98, He wound up starting every game in the '98 and '99 seasons. Brady ended up earning Big Ten honorable mention both years. The Wolverines ended up winning 20 of the 25 games he started. For the record, Brady looked strikingly handsome in all but two of the games he started.

Tom Brady's NFL Career. A brief rundown.

2000-Brady got drafted Vietnam style in the 6th round of the NFL draft by the New England Patriots. He was picked 199th overall. Tom again pouted like a little 3-year old kid when he wasn't picked higher in the draft.. 198 people were picked ahead of him. None of the 198 were as good looking as Tom though, which made him feel a little better about himself. Tom rode the pine as the 4th string QB. The coaches didn't want to hurt his fragile self-esteem by cutting him. So they let him stay on the team to fetch Snickers bars for the veterans. By the end of the season though Brady worked his way up to number two on the depth chart behind Drew Bledsoe.

2001- In late September, fate would smile on Tom Brady. Drew Bledsoe got knocked the f*ck out in a game against the Jets. Bledsoe suffered internal bleeding. Drew bled so much he couldn't play football for a while. Because of this, Brady got the starting nod and wink from the coach. The Patriots won 10 of the 14 games Brady started. Brady led the Patriots to the Super Bowl against the St. Louis Rams, who were then known as the "Greatest Show on Turf." The Pats were 14 point underdogs leading up to the game. No one expected the Pats to win, not even some drunk homeless person in Boston. The Pats ended up beating the Rams on a last second feild goal by Adam Nougatari with seconds left in the game. Brady won the MVP trophy along with the hearts of female fans everywhere.

2003- Brady and the Patriots win Superbowl XXXVIII by defeating the Carolina Panthers. Brady was voted Super Bowl MVP and most likely to bang a supermodel.

2004- Brady and those other guys on the Patriots beat the Philidelphia Eagles to win Superbowl XXX000.

2007- Brady has one of the best seasons ever for a NFL quarteback by throwing for 50 touchdowns and 4,806 yards passing. The Patriots had 16 wins and 0 losses for the regular season. But the Patriots let the success go to their heads and lost to the NY Giants in the Superbowl. The Giants weren't even considered to be that great of a team. Never underestimate the power of Eli "the Oreo" Manning, the QB of the Giants.

2008- Brady gets hurt early in the football season and misses the rest of the year. It's all good in the hood though. Brady finds more time to mack the ho's.

2009- Brady returns from injury and wins the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year award. The Patriots lost in the playoffs to the Ravens. Too bad, so sad. Cry me river and go Bill Belicheck yo' head.

Tom Brady, the James Bond of the NFL.

What do men with good looks, success, athleticism, and millions of dollars attract? Women of all kinds. Including: Actresses, supermodels, gold diggers, sluts, and attention whores. James Bond was a ladies man. He was a fictional character though. Tom Brady does this shit for real. He delivers in the clutch with his package in hand.

Tom dated and knocked up actress Bridgette Moynahan. Then he knocked up and married uber-model Gisele Bundchen. He has two kids, for now....

Not even Justin Beiber can compete with Tom Brady when it comes to picking up women.


"Don't let other people tell you what you're capable of. As long as you believe in yourself and work hard to achieve whatever you set your mind to, you just keep plugging away. It may not be up to your timetable, but you can get it done."
- Tom Brady