Lingerie Football League

The Lingerie Football League, established just this year, is a professional female indoor full contact football competition with 7 women on each side. It is also the first glorious step on the path to merge the twin beauties of sport and porn.

Seriously, did you even notice the football or the ref?

Just The Facts

  1. The Lingerie Football League was oringinally a per-per-view event broadcast directly opposite the Super Bowl Half Time Show
  2. The inaugral league consists of 20 games between 10 teams
  3. The setup of two 15 minute halves with a ten minute half time is used for two reasons. Firstly because women can't play proper sports for any extended period of time, and secondly beeing more than an hour from a kitchen is just bad womaning!
  4. Has resulted in the loss of more potential lives than Hayden Panettiere in her cheerleader outfit.

History

Originally aired as an alternative to the half time show, Lingerie Football soon became a mainstay of Super Bowl Sunday throught a nation of Americans who realised that anything on the planet can be made that bit better by involving half naked women in tight-ass shorts, as previously demonstrated by the TV show Heroes when the aforementioned Hayden Panettiere inspired global sperm genocide struck.

The league is now broadcast in 85 countries where it has simultaneously ended the war between Australia and Uganda whilst wiping out 3 previously undiscovered Ecuadorean tribes. The very concept of it emminates so much pure coolness that life itself took a pitying look on those who had no chance of experiencing and said "fuck it, the poor bastards'll be better off for it" before culling them with the efficiency of a Japanese Whaling fleet

Look the Australians have naked lady sport!!!!

The first game in the league took place on September 4th 2009 when the Chicago Bliss defeated the Miami Caliente 29-19 in front of a largely dissappointed crowd who'd shown up under the hope of wardrobe malfunctions all over the pitch

The Bliss and The Caliente are two of the teams that make up the Eastern Conference alongside New York Majesty, Philadelphia Passion and Tampa Breeze, which sounds kinda like the name given to a queef that launches a surprise escape bid round the outskirts of an ill fitting female sanitary insertion. The top team of this league will go on to the Lingerie Bowl on February 7th 2010 to complete against the winners of the Western Conference, made up of Dallas Desire, Denver Dream, Los Angeles Temptation, San Diego Seduction and Seattle Mist, all of which help further the belief that watching the event will somehow result in a plentiful amount of blowjobs (with the exception of The Mist which sounds like the sort of thing you'd pin your girlfriend under the bedcovers to savour, and the Caliente which frankly sounds like some kind of fucked up chick's car)

The New Renault Caliente, because your dick lives inside you

Rules

The rules of Lingerie Football differ slightly to those of the standard game the full rule set is (taken from lflus.com)

PLAYING FIELD
50 YARD FIELD
8 YARD END-ZONES
30 YARDS WIDE

SCORING
TOUCHDOWN = 6PTS.
CONVERSION RUN OR PASS (2YD LINE) = 1PT.
CONVERSION RUN OR PASS (5YD LINE) = 2PTS.
SAFETY = 2PTS.

OFFENSE
7 PLAYERS ON THE FIELD
1 QUARTERBACK, 2 RUNNING BACKS,
1 DOWN-LINEWOMAN, 3 WIDE RECEIVERS
NO PUNTING
NO FIELD GOALS

DEFENSE
7 PLAYERS ON THE FIELD
2 DOWN-LINEWOMEN, 1 LINEBACKER,
2 CORNERBACKS, 2 SAFETIES

TEAM ROSTER
14 ACTIVE ROSTER
6 iNACTIVE PLAYERS

TIME OF PLAY
2 15-MINUTE HALVES
15 MINUTE HALFTIME
8 MINUTE SUDDEN-DEATH OVERTIME
:35 SECOND CLOCK

The uniform consists of helmets, shoulder pads, elbow pads, knee pads, sports bras, and shorts, though we're hoping double ended dildos are soon added to that list