Martin Scorsese

Martin Scorsese is an Italian-American who, with the help of two gigantic eyebrows, Robert De Niro, and Leonardo DiCaprio, has been a driving force in Hollywood for nearly half a century.

Just The Facts

  1. Holy shit have you seen those eyebrows
  2. He also wore a magnificent beard through a period of his life. Thus his life can be divided into two parts - Bearded Era and Post Bearded Era.
  3. Jack Dawson owes his legitimacy as an actor to this man.

Bearded Era 1967 - 1990

There are so many things right with this picture, the belt, the shirt, the side parting...

Notable Pictures

I Call First (1967) This is Scorsese's feature film debut. It's about a young Italian-American living in New York. Who is a gangster? Who can't handle that his wife was once raped. By gangsters? No, it's about religious guilt. And gangsters? There are no gangsters!

Scorsese has just told Keitel that there will be no nude scene for him.

Mean Streets (1973) Six years after his first film Scorsese teamed up with Keitel again and made his first masterpiece. This time about gangsters. It is also notable for introducing a snake to Scorsese and Keitel's Eden. A snake by the name of Robert De Niro.


"He's mine you hear? Mine."

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974) After rumors started swirling about Scorsese and De Niro, he decided to work with Keitel instead on this very untypical movie from Scorsese. A smaller-than-life movie about a widow who wants to make it as a singer, or something like that. We didn't really watch it.

Scorsese on the set, clearly upset that De Niro chose to do The Godfather, part 2 in stead.

Taxi Driver (1976) This is considered by many to be the greatest Vietnam film where non of the story takes place in Vietnam. It's with this film that people started to take notice of the taudry love affair between Scorsese, his eyebrows, and De Niro as the latter took over as leading man. Keitel was shoved down the ranks and eventually left in a ditch until some guy named Tarantino found him.


Seriously, do pimps really dress like this?

New York, New York (1977) Scorsese now had De Niro all to himself, and after the success of Taxi Driver he could make his first big-budget movie. He chose to make a musical because he was tired of making dark and gritty movies. What was he thinking? The movie bombed at the box-office, driving Scorsese into depression.

"If this movie doesn't do big I'll shave, or start doing cocaine."

Raging Bull (1980) By this time, the relationship between Scorsese, his eyebrows, and the De Niro was at a peak. This could have had fatal consequences for the movie. Instead the intensity of their relationship did wonders for the film, scooping up a shed-load of accolades. However, Scorsese & his eyebrows lost out on a Best Director Oscar to Robert Redford for 'Ordinary People'. This film not only brought Joe Pesci to the big time, but also popularized the trend of actors gaining/losing tons of weight to win Oscars (or play Bridget Jones for the umpteenth time).


De Niro won an Oscar for Best 1950s hair however

The King of Comedy (1982) By the early 80s the relationship between Scorsese, his eyebrows, and De Niro had drifted to a point where it was beginning to hurt their reputation, and people started getting suspicious as to how close they were. This black comedy, now hailed as a gem, was panned at the time for being fucking shit-crazy. It was their last film together for a while.


Hey, doesn't my stache remind you of Scorsese's eyebrows?

After Hours (1985) Scorsese & his eyebrows decided not to use De Niro for his next film for sad, sad reasons known only to him. However, the extremely unlikely hiring of Cheech and Chong in this movie hints at the condition of his mind. One of his most underrated movies, After Hours is the spiritual prequel to Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.


The Colour of Money (1986) It's difficult not to see this film as merely a vehicle for the two stars, Paul Newman and Tom Cruise, which is irritating since it's actually quite good. Tom Cruise reprises his role that he uses in Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Cocktail and every other film he's been in, where he clenches his jaw to show he is having intense emotions.

"Listen you moron, it's green, look at it. Green. Money is green."

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) This film gained notoriety for using Willem Defoe to portray Jesus, even though Defoe has a really wierd face that nobody can trust. For this reason many Christians avoided and condemned the film, even though it was not so much a blasphemous retelling of the story of Jesus, but rather a study of humanity's perception of God, ourselves, perfection and morality. Which is why David Bowie played Pontius Pilate. But you know, whatever.

From a deleted scene where Jesus met God.

Goodfellas (1990) De Niro and Scorsese got back into bed for this gangster film, but this films belongs neither to De Niro nor the lead, Ray Liotta, but Joe "fuck me he's frightening" Pesci. The truth is, Pesci hadn't actually been hired for this film, but simply insisted on turning up to the set everyday where he lived out his dream of being a violent psychopath. That bit where he shoots that kid in the bar? 100% real.

scor niro

"Hey Marty, I'm not gonna be able to make it over your place tonight. Sorry."

"You do this to me Bobby, and I'm shaving. Goddamn it I really will."

The Post-Beard Era 1991 - ?

Notable Pictures

Cape Fear (1991) Now that Scorsese, his eyebrows, and De Niro were finally back together there was nothing stopping them. The followed up with a classic "attorney convicts rapist - rapist gets released - rapist seduces attorney's daughter - attorney forbids daughter to see rapist - rapist tries to kill entire family" tale. You know how the old story goes.

There is a very good reason for why we don't show you the rest of this picture.

The Age of Innocence (1993) Once again Scorsese took an unusual turn and decided to make a costume drama set in the late 19th century (that's the 1800s). It teamed Scorsese up with the most insane human being on earth, Daniel Day-Lewis. Day-Lewis gets so into his roles that he in fact built a time machine and went back to the 1890s to prepare for his role in the movie. The world waited patiently for Scorsese to go back to making gangster flicks.

He also had his hat surgically attached to his head so it wouldn't fall off.

Casino (1995) This was Scorsese and De Niro's last movie together, and Hollywood cried. De Niro plays a mobster whose suits indicate he might be colorblind. Joe Pesci also shows up and tries to set a new world record for most frequent use of the f-bomb. It is also remembered for a sex-scene between Pesci and Sharon Stone that can best be described as being forced to watch a midget fuck your mom.

"I'm telling you Bobby the suit looks fabulous."

Kundun (1997) In this movie, Scorsese tries to convince the audience that an autocratic theocracy based on the arbitrariness of someone's birth is better than an autocratic government based upon socialistic principles. The result is something beautiful.

Something beautiful. We don't know what Richard Gere and Horse Face are doing there, but we'll bet it's profound and sincere

Bringing Out the Dead (1999) Con Air's Nicolas Cage and Roseanne's John Goodman drive an ambulance and see dead people. Cage was originally turned down as the lead, but was so desperate to get the role, because he was stalking Patricia Arquette at the time, that Scorsese eventually let him have it.

The exact moment Nicolas Cage realized he was shitting up a Scorsese movie.

Gangs of New York (2002) Finally Scorsese got to make reality of his dream project "The Story of How People in New York Used to Kill Each Other with Hatchets & Cleavers, and How Fucking Awesome it Was", the work title was later changed. The movie also teamed Scorsese up with the man that would replace De Niro as his muse, Leonardo DiCaprio.

"No, no, no, like this. With your index finger."

The Aviator (2004) This biopic about famous millionaire/neat freak Howard Hughes united Scorsese and DiCaprio once more. It's a star filled epic that tells the story of how Hughes tried to combine becoming a pioneer in aircraft with getting as much tail as possible.

He's not even trying to hide his cameos any more.

The Departed (2006) This movie marked Scorsese's return to the gangster genre that we know and love him for. He teamed up with Leo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, and Marky-Mark in the movie that won him his very first Oscar. Some say that the greatness of this film reminded the academy voters that the director of Goodfellas HAD NOT WIN AN OSCAR, and that that needed to be rectified.

"I'm totally more handsome than you."

"Say that again and I'll slap that pretty face of yours."