The Top 5 Reasons I Hate The World

The world is shit. Everyone should die. Penis.

More famous than you ever will be.

Just The Facts

  1. People suck, the world sucks, everyone sucks.
  2. If 2012 doesn't bring the apocalypse, we may just be screwed.
  3. I can't think of anything to put for #3.

#5 Hollywood

Uwe Boll, Michael Bay, Roland Emmerich, Shia LeBouf, Keanu Reeves, Hayden Christiansen and Nicholas Cage. I didn't add any women to the list because most of them still have a body to show off (Megan Fox should probably stick to non-speaking roles where she gets naked). Now that we have individual people out of the way, let's move onto the industry as a whole.

While Hollywood occasionally does bring out a pretty good flick (Dark Knight) it's been a while since we saw a major blockbuster with a hint of originality. New Moon barely deviated from the book, 2012 was a bunch of disaster movies copied and pasted together and Avatar could have easily been called 'Dances with Ferngully: The Last Matrix'.

But of course, that's not entirely their fault. Hollywood exists to squeeze out every dollar it can get from us, and sequels/adaptations are more likely to get an audience because they already have one. They're greedy bastards, but you're the one forking over cash so you can see the new ways Iron Man will blow shit up or how badly Uwe Boll with screw up with your favourite game franchise.

#4 News Stations

Let's face it, how much press would Tiger Woods have gotten if it wasn't discovered he was having an affair? Would we have heard about the issues with Brad, Angelina and Jenn if they were regular people down the street?

There was a time when being a journalist was a respectable position. You were relied on to deliver real news, like how the latest war was going or how many tax dollars the President was using to build a new pool. While those things are still talked about, they sometimes take a back seat to grisly murders, scandals within the world of celebrities and just random weird shit. Hell, it got so bad Gladstone stopped doing Hate By Numbers topics on them.

Whether it be incredible bias from the reporters and/or anchors, or just trivial bullshit, it's easy to see why the Daily Show and Colbert Report are preferred.

#3 The Internet

As has already been mentioned in various other Cracked articles, the internet is making us suck more. We spend less time with our friends in real life, we act like bigger douches because the other guy isn't within punching distance and virtual blow jobs still aren't available.

Go outside and breathe in some fresh air. After you finish your shift at your job, maybe walk home to get some exercise. And when you get home, send all your money to Cracked, because money is evil and I'm sure their staff will happily dispose of it for you. I gave them all mine and now I'm writing for topics that anyone can write for. Everything is perfect.

#2 Hollywood Pudgy

Here, TV Tropes says it better than I can.

#1 Complaining

There's a difference between bitching about things you can't change and bitching about problems you have because you can't be bothered to get off your ass and fix things. It may sound hypocritical, but take a look at this list and tell me if there is one thing here I, as one person, can change. Nope.

So what's an example of what I'm talking about? The guy who complains about not having a job or girlfriend and living with his parents, even though he just sits at his computer all day arguing over who was the better Star Trek captain, never once filling out an application or even writing a resume. The girl who works at Hooters who bitches about getting hit on when she pretty much flirts for extra tips. The kid who is mad at their parents for getting grounded for low grades, even though they never study. The fans who bitch that the new movie based on their favourite comic/book/show/whatever is horrible but then go see it again or buy the DVD.

We all know people like this, hell we've all done this at one stage or another. Why? Because it's easier to whine than it is to make some effort. This isn't Cinderella where if you do nothing a Fairy Godmother comes along to fix things. You want something, go out and get it.