Han Solo

In A New Hope (or just "Star Wars") Han Solo and Chewbacca agree to take Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and their droids to Alderaan to help pay off a debt to Jabba the Hutt. On their way out of the Mos Eisley spaceport, Han Solo kills a bunch of Stormtroopers because...well, he's Han Fucking Solo.

Han then rescues Princess Leia from that thing that isnt a moon along with Luke and Obi-Wan, also while killing a bunch of Stormtroopers. He manages to get the Death Star plans to the rebel base on Yavin IV, where he recieves a nice reward and promptly gets out of there before it gets blown the fuck up.

During the attempt to destroy the Death Star, Han and Chewie fly to Luke's rescue (Yahhhh-Hoooo!!!) and help him destroy the Death Star, hopefully without killing any innocent contractors, once and for all. On account of the fact that Yavin IV didnt get blown the fuck up they all go back there, where they have a medal-giving party. Everybody gets medals (aside from Chewbacca, which, I might add, is bullshit), there are smiles all around, and then the credits roll.

Unfortunately for our heroes...

Empire begins with the rebels relocated to a base that is, rather than on a nice warm planet, on the icy horror that is Hoth. Luke wanders out and gets himself stranded in the snowy deathscape. While he's out dying a slow, cold death, who comes to his rescue? That's right, Han Fucking Solo. Han saves Luke's life by slicing open a Tauntaun and covering him in its toasty warm organs (who thinks of that? Oh, right).

When Han and Luke get back to the base, the Empire precedes to commence with its striking. Han leaves last so he can save Leia and they fly off into space away from the Empire (Yeah, you try being the last one out when Darth Vader's lumbering himself around your snow fort). During their time between leaving Hoth and getting to Cloud City Han and Leia some good lovin' was in order, most likely because long nights inside of a giant space worm can get cold.

Things go well in Cloud City as they pal around with the Original Trilogy's token black character (the ever awesome Lando Calrissian). This goes well until Lando betrays them because George Lucas is probably a little bit racist. Long story short, Han ends a carbonite-sicle and is taken away by Boba Fett to one of these two guys.

Return starts with Han in Jabba's palace, serving as the most badass house decoration of all time. After a couple of rescue attempts result in failure and a gold bikini, a less whiny Luke comes in and gets the ball rolling. During the escape a blind Han manages to kill Boba Fett with sheer subconcious will and badassery. With Boba Fett and Jabba the Hutt dead, Han finally only has Galactic Civil War to worry about, but it's totally no big deal.

Han, Chewbacca, Leia, and the droids end up on Endor trying to destroy the second Death Star's shield generator so Lando Calrissian and the other rebels can destroy it. Han and the others kill a bunch of stormtroopers with the ewok's help (because C3PO is obviously a god), and destroy the shield generator. The other rebels make the Death Star dead (those contractors knew the risk) and all of the Ewoks cheer.

At the end of the movie, there is lots of celebrating, Darth Vader's body is burned, and everybody ends up happily. Han and Leia kiss and presumably go off on their own, where Leia breaks out the gold bikini and they make sweet, sweet love.

I could go into all of the expanded universe novels, comics, and whatever else that includes Han Solo, but instead I'm just going to ignore them. Why? Because the expanded universe is worse than the prequels. The people who wrote expanded universe material have no regard for the goodness that is Star Wars, and therefore don't deserve to be included.