Hippies

Hippies were a type of young person in the 60s whose parents were capitalist enough that they could afford to maintain their offspring's anti-capitalist lifestyle.

Just The Facts

  1. It's important to bear in mind that hippies started all their thought processes based on this acid trip they had once.
  2. Ergo - they believed that world peace could be achieved through the power of music.
  3. They all now work in advertising.
  4. Young hippies do not exist anymore, only douchebags.

Hippie Politics

Hippies will look at any issue facing the current, modern world and suggest a completely retarded solution, as shown in the graph below.

problem solution

Although hippies had little or no lasting impact on the geo-political world, they weren't completely worthless:

  1. They managed to show us that while drugs can have a positive influence on a person's creative abilities, allowing said drugs to do all the work results in long-winded and piss-ass annoying albums that float somewhere between "egotistical masturbation" and "patronizing opinionation."
  2. That while there may be things that are very, very wrong with the world, if you want to exact change you actually have to get up off your lazy ass and do something about it. Tuning In and Dropping Out is the opposite of that. And really thinking about things while smoking weed is no better than standing in the middle of a field chewing cud like a goddamn cow.
  3. Tie-dye is just awful. That's a fashion trend we'll never revisit.

Woodstock

Woodstock marked the apex of all that was sought to be achieved in the 60s, appropriately taking place during the last days of Summer, 1969. From this point on, everything was horrifically ugly and offensive to hippies.

Funnily enough, hippie icon Bob Dylan, never played at Woodstock, because (according to Wikipedia) his son was ill and he "was unhappy about the number of hippies piling up outside his house."

pile of hippies

"What the - ? Scram you filthy bums!"

Overall, the festival was said to be kick-ass awesome, thanks to an inspired (read: off the fucking wall) performance by Jimi Hendrix (and, if you watch the film, a young man on the bongos so full of amphetamines his eyes look like approaching asteroids) accompanied by probably the most drugs ever taken simultaneously outside of a Quentin Tarantino brainstorming session.