Mario Party

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, Nintendo discovered EA's rehash system.

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Just The Facts

  1. The first Mario Party was released in 1998.
  2. Because they like money, Nintendo has made a new one every year for the past decade.
  3. They keep getting worse and worse every time.
  4. Apparently Nintendo thinks that adding a new avatar makes a totally new game.

Mario Party, Nintendo's heroin.

Imagine 1998, you are a Nintendo executive. Since they are ony allowed to release a true Mario game once every decade, you have to find a new way to cash in on a brand. When BAM! It hits you, then after you recover from the hospital after suffering serious brain damage from a baseball to the head. Your mind conjures up an idea. LETS BUILD A MARIO BOARD GAME!!!!! So off you were to Nintendo skipping your way and whistling an anime theme. They love it and you are off to development. Due to limitations and low expectations, you start with a tiny roster consisting of the most beloved bland characters in the game. Now as you find out, hopping from blue space to red space and back...sucks. So you decide to add items in to the game (which would be replaced by orbs, which candy would replace). The original cast of items were the basic mushrooms and other drugs to be put in Super Mario Stoners. Soon after, you realise another pressing issue! IT'S NOT GIMMICKY ENOUGH!!! The thing about nintendo and gimmics is, they are not allowed to vastly impact the game, they must last less then two minuites, and three you must despise them with every fiber of your being. So you add your collage of mini games which consist of platforming, crappy shooting, and platforming. Looks all set to be released and you do. INSTANT HIT!!! money man

Awesome, Now time to add waluigi and re release, why? BECAUSE NINTENDO NEEDS CASH!!! So you do that, and now what? RANDOM ITEMS!!!! Cool now what? Well sir, a new consol has been released, cash in on it by adding better graphics, more mini games, a story, a boss battle, extras, even more mini games, and more shops. Now then back to rehashing, becuase innovation is for people who dont own consoles! Next "major update" is a kart shooter with upgradeable parts based on how long you've played, oh and orbs are now the items. OKAY PEOPLE MARIO PARTY 6...what!? We ran out of cocaine?...............! I know, lets get rid of Donkey Kong and make him a space!!! PEOPLE WILL LOVE IT!!! So off they were and decided to make a mini mini game out of Donkey Kong. Now you can anything from coins to stars based on how he feels and a spinner! So now its time for the 7th...MOTION MINI GAMES!!!! 8? MOTIONEYER MINI GAMES!!!!

Seriously though, the series died after the fourth installment and deserves as much attention as Kanye West after dissing Taylor Swift.

Douche...

Mario party's rolemodle.