Cracked Topics

Cracked Topics are what you get when you think, "Ya know what would make Wikipedia better? More jokes, less accuracy, and more boobs!"

Cracked Topic Flowcharts: Bigger is Better!

Just The Facts

  1. Cracked Topics exist for many, many subjects...
  2. ...As long as those subjects involve boobs.
  3. Even YOU can write a Cracked Topic article!
  4. ...And to think your parents said you wouldn't amount to much.

Cracked Topics: The Basics: Then and Now: A Survey

Cracked Topics have grown and matured to the point where now it's easy for anybody to be a Cracked writer. Just cruise on over to the Cracked Topics page and click Create next to whichever Topic strikes your fancy. In the past, taking ownership of a Cracked Topic page consisted of a few more (though easily remembered) steps:

  1. Go to the Topics message on the message boards.
  2. Type up a message where you say the topic you want.
  3. Pray that your message gets read and is passed through the proper channels.
  4. Sacrifice a medium-sized goat. Too small and your offering will go unnoticed, too large and it will look like you're just showing off.
  5. Say the following words exactly like this: "Klaatu Varata Niktu"
"Okay, maybe I didn't say every little syllable, but basically I said 'em, yeah!"

Now, mercifully, it's as easy as clicking the Create button. Guaranteed to be 100% hassle AND Deadite free!


Once you've selected your topic, you then have seven days to complete and publish your work. After the seven days is up, you can then get three more. After that, it's over for good. The Cracked Topic takes out a permanent restraining order on you. Even if there's still love there, you have to move on. C'mon, man, chin up. You're a good Cracked Topic editor! Seriously! Any Cracked Topic would be lucky to have you! So go on out there, champ! Find a new Cracked Topic! Oh, who are we kidding...

Well, I did my best. You're still probably gonna screw it up.
Cracked Topic Wingman