Jazz
Jazz - That indefinable something, that all-encompassing concept, that peak of technical ability, that twat in the corner with his eyes shut clicking his fingers
Just The Facts
- Jazz started in New Orleans
- Jazz was an African-American genre, with black musicians and black listeners. Nowadays a Jazz concert will have one black person attending, playing double bass
- The longest song in Jazz history started in May 1938 and is still not finished
Annoying
Why do people get so annoyed with Jazz?
Is it because for a younger generation bought up on pounding pounding techno music, Miami Bass and power slides, the slick tap of a brush on a snare drum and the sudden, syncopated ejaculation of a saxophone just seems to take itself too seriously?
Bap!
Or, is it because the muscians honestly don't seem to give a damn about the audience, but are more interested in achieving the most difficult sequence of notes in the shortest time possible?
Bee doop!
Finally, is it for the simple reason that the only place everyday folk actually hear Jazz are in the places that we feel most uncomfortable - waiting rooms, shitty restaurants, malls and elevators?
Dan na na!
In all likelihood, it is all of those things, and more. However, credit should be given where credit is due. Jazz is associated with practically everything that is considered 'cool' nowadays (even first using the word 'cool' to mean 'good'). Things such as:
Spats
Speakeasys
Gangsters
The Trilby
Fuck you Usher, fuck you so hard
jazz is great!
ReplySmooth jazz (or even decent jazz being played as background music to be talked over) seems to make people hate jazz. You just need to find the right stuff and/or see jazz played live to enjoy it. Type "Sonny Rollins Alfie's Theme" into YouTube's search bar if you're interested.
ReplyI don't really listen to jazz, but I'd say around half of the jazz I've heard was actually pretty good. And now I got the opening theme to cowboy bebop in my head...
ReplyFunny, but a bit... well, stupid. You're clearly British (using the word "twat" gave it away). There are still many black people in jazz. And you seem to rely on a lot of beatnik stereotypes. Also, the melody is generally the first thing played considering that most jazz standards follow the form AABA. And those solos are an integral part of the music, not just some ego-trip that is common in jazz. If you want to pick on a genre for having generic, egotistic solos, pick on rock. It's all pentatonic/ blues scales, mixolydians and maybe a harmonic minor.
ReplyWell about scales; E minor=G major=A dorian etc. Scales Don't matter, chords do.
Well, we can all agree to disagree about jazz, but we can all be sure say proudly: Go f**k yourself, Usher!
Replywell i think you should've done some research before writing an article of the oldest and most complex music genre of all. Jazz may seem boring and annoying to some ppl but well... Jazz is more of an Acquired taste, and you need to actually study it to understand it. Jazz musicians don't care about the hardest solos or the fastest riff on the planet, they care about music and study it to its fullest. Jazz staying behind? it actually keeps evolving and coming up with stuff like building chords with 4ths, which is relativly new considering jazz is been among us since your great great gran mother. All i'm saying is that maybe you based your article in persnal feelings rather than actually looking it up in google or something...
Reply Hide All See All 6 Replies"you should've done some research before writing an article of the oldest and most complex music genre of all"
When you say "oldest genre", I do hope you're talking about grunting and banging rocks together, and not just being embarrassingly ironic.
Yeah, cos an article written from Googling s**t would have been really entertaining. Thank you for confirming everything I was trying to say about jazz lovers. You have been more funny and more informative than you could've imagined. It's people like you that make the internet worthwhile.
OMG I lold ... (@ you)
also "Fuck you Usher, f**k you so hard"
Oldest genre? ...would you like some crack with that crazy?
The oldest genre... if you're going to be critical of people, get you act straight before you do so. We all think you sound like an idiot. And this is a comedy site, if you don't like what it says, go away.
Building chords in 4ths is not new. That's been around much longer than jazz has.
Jazz is just like every other genre, some like it some don't. I play jazz, and I think it sucks. So there you are.
I like how the first picture of an artist you have is Peter Brötzmann. I'm pretty curious you stumbled upon him of all people. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, check him out on YouTube. His music is like a lead paint filled machine gun for your ears.
ReplySeriously? You think no black people go to jazz clubs? Where do you live, Salt Lake City?
ReplyBTW, the whitest music in America, with the whitest audience, is rock music---especially the kind of rock music writerly types tend to like. And they never notice this fact. I guess they somehow misremember the Pixies playing to rooms full of soul brothers, or something.
Don't you dare drag the pixies into this
The captions for the pictures of different instruments made this article hilarious. "bee doop!" lol
ReplyI do love my speakeasys.
Replylistening to duke ellington's misty morning, and yes if you like jazz and are not jewish you can be considered cool (well... not too much of a nerd!)
ReplyWell, I found it hilarious. Incidentally, I was just listening to a Miles solo on Milestones, and it was pretty fitting! The Usher-image really made me laugh - maybe a first for a Cracked topic...
ReplyWhat an ininspired and bland article.
Replyseems kinda short/scizophrenic for a cracked article. it's also biased, inaccurate and bland.
Replyseems kinda short/scizophrenic for a cracked article. it's also biased, inaccurate and bland.
ReplyI also have to say, that most of what people hear in elevators and what not is the more "socially okayed" version of jazz, mostly known as smooth jazz.
ReplyI don't mean to b***h and take the article too seriously but the pie chart says that jazz began to decline after 1955. Despite the fact that Kind Of Blue by Miles Davis and Giant Steps by John Coltrane (two of the most acclaimed jazz albums ever) were released in 1959 and 1960.
ReplyI hear what you're saying. The joke really is that Jazz lovers have a ridiculously specific time frame of music that they like, and anything outside is rubbish. Of course there has been excellent Jazz records since '55, but I was hoping the joke was strong enough.
Well, you got that part right- a lot of people who listened to jazz seemed only like certain subgenres and then scoff at others. But times have changed. Now no one really listens to jazz because they either have the wrong impression of it or don't have the patience to listen to it.
I like it. Killer image but a little thin on content. What is there is funny though.
ReplyWow, this is gonna get burned. I think that it's accurate, as a modern-day criticism. The only thing I don't really agree with was the bit about the artists caring more about the difficulty of what they are playing over the audience. First, this article is not about Dragonforce; most jazz isn't defined by "wow, that's incredibly difficult" instrument playing. Second, even if it was, those two are not contradictory. After all, the entire metal genre, for about a decade, damn near required the guitarist to solo somewhere in the song, and at least one song per album had to be that guitarist trying his hardest to make a "blow your mind" solo. And that was good (again, Dragonforce, albeit more modern, I know).
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesI sort of agree, but in my experiences, Jazz lovers are not interested in any music that is easy to play - if it's a simple melody, it's inferior.
I think there's more of a holistic aspect to jazz--there's something to be said about playing remarkably fast, but it has to come together well.
Too geek it up, compare jazz to a match of Mortal Kombat. Yeah, it's awesome to string together a billion awesome-looking combos, but if after all that you can't evade Sub Zero's freeze ray, it's all for naught,
I agree with you and the other two guys that replied to you. Even blues gets some dues with its strong ties to more popular genres such as Hard Rock and Metal, leaving Jazz music to be widely left out. As a metal musician, I have some aversion to anything poppy, but like the Iron Man riff, I understand that sometimes,its not how much you "Erupt", shred, or blow pink matter; sometimes (borrowing some jazz language) it's just gotta have that "swing". And jazz gets that down. But I feel sorry for a legit genre that has no way of changing with the times, at one point it was even considered CONTROVERSIAL music ("OMG black ppl playing instruments!", etc).
Firstly, the kind of jazz you guys are thinking of with the overly complicated melodies DOES exist, but it is in no way an acurate representation. There are PLENTY of jazz songs with straightforward, simple melodies. Listen to Ella Fitzgerald, Sinatra, Gershwin. They all wrote/sang (first two sang, last one wrote) songs that I can be almost completely certain if you knew. That was jazz. Jazz initially stood out because of the added color via HARMONIZATION, which had nothing to do with melody. Now there are tons of bullshit "jazz" acts that play terrible, terrible music, and sadly that is what this f*****g awesomely large genre of music is stereotyped as. And finally (yes, I promise I'm almost done) there area plenty of modern musicians/bands influenced by jazz. Prince, Radiohead, Hendrix and even SLIPKNOT have payed homage to jazz music in interviews. Done.
DragonForce? lol no, those guys couldn't play a complex/"wanky" solo to save their goddamned lives. Besides, their ridiculous soloing wouldn't be a real problem if they had the ability of writing more than 2 verse-chorus-verse songs (1: typical, poppy cheesy power metal song and 2: typical, poppy cheesy power metal ballad. Lyric is the same for both.)
You have to be thinking about someone like Malmsteen or later Dream Theater {which despite having amazing amounts of talent with their instruments they can become boring quickly}, or boring noodle-noodle Tech Death bands like Brain Drill.
But I do agree with the rest of your point tho.
I don't listen to a lot of jazz...... Only Shawn Lane, Guthrie Govan and bands with jazz influences like Atheist. But this jazz-influenced artists are not "instrument wankers". The song structures and solos are complex, but they keep the music catchy and interesting the whole time. Or sometimes they are not complex and the jazz influence is only in the atmosphere/feel of the songs.
Actually, I'd say Hendrix influenced jazz more than vice-verca; it was his sound that inspired fusion. But Blues gets more credit because it preceded jazz and it permeates into everything.
As for complexity, people who don't listen to a lot of jazz seem to only remember Coltrane, who reveled in complexity. But Sonny Rollins was just as big as Coltrane and is just as important because he did the exact opposite- he looked for the simplest, most melodic ideas. Like Dizzy Gillespie and Miles Davis, or Joe Pass and Jim Hall, for ever musician who pursues complexity, there is one that pursues simplicity.
I think jazz is starting to have more and more influence on metal, which is very exciting. Just had to mention that. And if anyone wants to hear jazz that sounds like metal played by a jazz quintet, check out Coltrane Quartet with Eric Dolphy at Birdland, especially "Mr. Pc".