California

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Just The Facts

  1. The official food of California is the California Burrito, followed by the In-n-Out Burger, followed by the fish taco.
  2. Porn was invented in California.
  3. Every President in the history of the U.S. was elected because California wanted it that way.
  4. The Governor of California is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  5. All movies [that matter] are made in California.
  6. California is the largest economy in the world.
  7. Disneyland lives here.
  8. Computers were invented in California.
  9. Tatooine scenes from Star Wars were filmed in California.

A Trip Through The Awesomeness of California (North to South)

Sacramento - It's Where Our Governor Lives

Arnold Schwarzenegger (see article here) became the Supreme Ruler of California in 1982 when Oliver Stone gave us Conan the Barbarian. He later officially became Governor in 2003 making California the first state to ever have a Governor who threw a pipe through a man's stomach, saying, "Let off some steam, Bennett." Although California has been bad ass ever since Wyatt Earp moved to Los Angeles almost 100 years ago, California's badassery was sealed with the rise of Governor Schwarzenegger, aka, the Governator.

San Francisco - It's Where Our Gays Live

Yep. Gays, Chinese, and sushi. That's San Francisco.

Silicon Valley - It's Where Your Computers Are Made

This is where Technology (see article here) was invented and later perverted a few hundred miles south in Hollywood (infra) to make grossly inaccurate movies like Terminator 3, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (supra). Apple is headquartered here along with Yahoo, Adobe, and a several others.

Napa Valley - It's Where Our Wine Is Made

Little known fact about Napa Valley - that Windows XP desktop default picture is Napa Valley.

Los Angeles - It's Where Horrible CGI and Explosionfest Movies Are Made (And A Couple of Awesome Ones)

Los Angeles is a natural desert plagued with pollution. Much like New York, Los Angeles is inexplicably in love with itself. It is the second largest city in the U.S. after New York. It is however, one of California's crown jewels because it teaches young women that, "No, it is not all right to be ugly. You want to eat that cake, fine, but two fingers in the back of your throat afterwards, Fatty McFatstuff. Your God didn't give you large breasts? Then buy some." In short, Los Angeles was responsible for the shift from the traditional looking pioneer woman to the pornstar look. Now, whenever you are anywhere in the world and you see an attractive woman, close your eyes and say, "Thank you, Los Angeles." Also, OJ used to live here.

Disneyland - It's The Happiest Place on Earth

In their defense, they are clearly in the New Orleans part of Disneyland.

Disneyland, located in Anaheim, California, opened in 1955. It has rollercoasters, rides, live characters such as Mickey Mouse and Cinderella, gift shops, and attractions based on various Disney movies and Disney-owned franchises. Highlights include, the Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Carribean ride, the Finding Nemo Submarine, and the laboratory where Miley Cyrus was made by demons.

Fallbrook - It's Where Avocados Come From

If you are not from California, you might not know that avocado (guacamole in its mashed form) goes good on everything. EVERYTHING.

San Diego - It's Like LA, Only Less Douchebags

Last stop in California is San Diego, the 8th largest city in the U.S. San Diego is the home of Sea World, the World Famous Zoo, and The Wild Animal Park. San Diego is famous for its perfect year long climate.

Tijuana - It's Where the People Who Work in San Diego Live (Mexico)

Just a fence hop south of San Diego is Tijuana, Mexico. Tijuana is has a drinking age of 18, so it's a popular place for people who like to kidnap and traffic 18 year olds. The main strip, Ave. Revolucion, has taco shops, strip clubs, leather goods, and knives for sale. Another popular attraction is the "zebras" on every street corner (painted donkeys).

The California Lifestyle

California is known for being a relaxed, surfer, pot-smoking haven, except for when they are chasing down bank robbers, who are also surfers, and then they recognize who the bank robbers are and then they point their guns in the air and fire and shout "Arrrggghhhh" because they realize they are really friends with the bank robbers. But for the most part, it's pretty chill.

Food

California borders Mexico and the Pacific Ocean (and Arizona, Nevada, and Oregon, but they don't count because they are lame), so that is where it draws it's culinary inspiration from. The California Burrito is made of chopped up beef, onion, guacamole, tomato, french fries, sour cream, and cheese, all wrapped in a flour tortilla.

The Fish Taco is made of fish (typically a white fish such as cod), beer battered and deep fried and served in a corn tortilla with cabbage, salsa, and Mexican sour cream. Lime is squirted on the top to elevate it to a level of heavenly deliciousness. The Fish Taco was made mainstream by Rubio's, which first opened in San Diego.

In-n-Out Burger

In-n-Out Burger's menu: Fries, soda, milk shake, hamburger, cheeseburger, double cheeseburger, triple cheeseburger, quadruple cheeseburger, etc... all the way up to 30x cheeseburger. No chipotle honey barbeque spicy lady chicken fingers here. Just good old fashioned eats.

Dude

Dude means many different things. It can be a form of address as in "What's up, Dude" (See Australian equivalent "G'day Mate" or the British equivalent "Cheerio, Governor." But in the U.S. calling your friend a name that means "a pair of animals brought together for breeding" is not common (unless you are from San Francisco). Similarly, the word "Governor" is not to be taken in vain in California, and pretty much everything the British say sounds gay, so "Dude" is commonly used in California as a form of address. It can also be used as a stand alone word as an exclamatory, such as "Dude! Did you see that girl? She must be from Los Angeles!" (See Australian equivalent "Crikey! Did you see that knife/croc? That was a real knife/croc.").