In the not so long ago age of 8-bit processors, there was once a game named Contra. Innovative and fast paced, upon completion it left you with a feeling of extreme satisfaction and deception.

The inversely proportional experience that is Contra.

Just The Facts

  1. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start. The famous Konami Code. Originally for Gradius, it was made popular with the Northamerican release of Contra for the NES.
  2. This game is as hard as shitting diamonds without the Konami Code and just as rewarding.
  3. The Spread gun is your god and none shall come before him.

The Story

In the game Contra you win by exploding aliens with bigger than life guns. Thats it. We don't really need a reason for doing so. We've seen the movies. We know what aliens are up to. Though for those who might want a more informative insight into the game's world, there is a plot. You are either Bill "Mad Dog" Rizer or Lance "Scorpion" Bean and your job is to stop the evil alien organization called Red Falcon who plans to take over the world. The Japanese version of the game is set in the fictional Oceanic archipelago of Goluga in the futuristic year of 2633. Which by all accounts, the're probably will be an Oceanic archipelago called Goluga by that year. The Northamerican version had a more believable setting of present day South America..


" we all agree, from now on we will be called Red Falcon!!"


The game's reception was and is to this day hugely popular. From its awesome soundtrack to its main characters, which were both modeled to look like the biggest action stars of the day, Contra ranks way up there with Mario, Zelda, Punch Out and Ninja Gaiden. It's a must have for those who call themselves "gamers". Why a Contra Movie was not made in the 1980s is a mystery to this day:

Arnold's resemblance is uncanny.

Another amazing innovation that added to the fact that to this day you have a pirated copy of the original NES game in your laptop in the form of a ROM file, is the CO-OP feature; allowing the players to join forces and kick some alien booty together. This added to the fun factor and thus, you and your best friend (up until you reached the Waterfall) could enjoy the game simultaneosly.

"C'mon!!!...hurry up! Jump faster dude!"

The Weapons

Being hired to fend off an alien invading army planning on taking over the world is no easy job. So once you have Arnold and Rocky on your team, you're going to need some serious arsenal. Lucky for you the game gives you a variety of weapons to choose from. By choose, we mean try and grab out of the fucking air while they blow right pass you at 75mph!!. Ohh, and there just happens to be a bottomless pit right below. So, good luck with that. Anyways, the game offers a standard machine gun, flame thrower, a laser gun (which in all honesty we tried to avoid and almost never picked up) and the bad-mothafuckin'-spread gun. Usually trying to grab a weapon meant getting Player 2 killed, or killing yourself because someone didn't jump fast enough...

"Seriously dude, hurry up!...I ain't fucking kiddin'"

The Stages

The're 2 different stage types in Contra. The standard side view stage in which you move around from left to right and a "3D" view stage reserved for the enemy fortresses. This was truly amazing by 1980s video game standards. You could actually feel the depth perception as you went further and further down into the fortress.


We would like to point out that the Waterfall stage is considered a side view stage but actually you don't advance from left to right, you advance by going up. So in all fairness it should be in a category all by itself. We propose this category to be called the loose-all-your-lives-Player-2 stage.

"Forget it , I'll do it alone..."

The Bosses

The Bosses in Contra are huge. Freakishly huge. Thier weapons where massive and you knew you had reach one of them as the mood and sound of the game drastically changed.

"Let's do this!!!"


By the time you reach the last boss fight, (Alone. Because let's face it, Player 2 was lost in the Waterfall) you expect a big-ass final battle with Red Falcon's diabolical leader. Instead you're faced with a beating heart/brain that for some reason is protected by scorpions, which you kill off in 30 or so seconds. Your reward is a cutscene where we see our hero leave the island by chopper and fly into the sunset as the hole thing goes up in flames. Perhaps he flew to an exotic island just like the one you blew up in the first place, to do it all over again.