Minnesota, a land renowned for it's moxy and ummmm... audacity(or drugs). We will review the colorful past of this long-forgotten state.

Not to be confused with mini soda. Hint:Minnesota has more calories.

Apparently Minnesota was the shittiest place to live back then.

Just The Facts

  1. Settled by Native American Hipsters.
  2. Then by the French.
  3. Then by whoever the hell lives in Minnesota today(Mathew Perry).


Although it was first settled by the Native Americans; a group of peace loving peoples that enjoyed parlor games and quailty telivision, they soon left after the arival of the French fur traders. My question: Why the hell did they leave? I mean what, were the french goin to treaty them to death? Or learn their languages and say hurtful things to them? I mean seriously, what the hell? Well, soon the British handed their asses to them and killed every fuckin' Indian in their path, I assume that they were killed too, or were so scared that they rowed away to start a colony in Alaska. Or California.

So once Jefferson and Hamilton and Thomas Paine(T- Pain?) and all those hip revolutionaries dudes kicked Britains ass America still only owned part of the whole friggin' state. Thankfully Jefferson was smart enought to go "What the hell? I want the whole fuckin' state!"(Serriously, he said that)and he bought that shit. I mean all of it. He bought up almost half of the whole fuckin' country(I think it was because the French were poor or something. French Revolution. Maybe they shouldn't have beat the living fuck out of all their rich people). I'm not even kidding. Jeferson a badass prez. And he made Adams feel like shit.