Pretzels are tasty bread knots made out of pure joy and happiness.
In the 16th Century pretzels took Germany by storm, when they started eating them on Good Friday. Mainly becuase in those days the pretzels looked like praying hands. I really don't see the hands, personally. Back then of course, pretzels tasted like shit, so they faded into obscurity.
But then in 1700s
Transylvania, scratch that, Pennsylvania, the pretzel was reborn amongst the Dutch culture, with the first Pretzel bakery being established in Reading in 1884.
From then on, pretzels took America by motherfucking storm. It was a popular snack amongst Dust Bowl-era Americans looking for joy in a world of failing crops and droughts.
That wasn't even the most popular time! In 1960 total pretzel sales reached $92 million dollars. Ninety two fucking million fucking dollars. Do you know how much that is? That's a mother-shitting lot of pretzels.
Like that times a lot fucking more.